Wednesday, July 3, 2013

Indications of Insanity: For Your Enjoyment

Signs this crazy woman is in the first trimester uglies:

  • I'm eating eggs. Almost daily. (And I HATE eggs)
  • I'm the carb queen.
  • Chicken makes me turn green.
  • I can eat breakfast for almost every meal. And sometimes do.
  • The absolute inability to eat 95% of leftovers.
  • If I actually meet you for a meal, I am incredibly specific in my restaurant request. (Whereas I usually could care less or am 100% flexible)
  • Every restaurant I want has French fries on the menu.
  • And that's all you notice I eat of my meal.
  • If I am able to make dinner, it's 80% done in the afternoon. I don't eat it or eat very little. Then I eat cereal, eggs, or something breakfasty and fast right before bed.
  • Cereal bowls are found in the sink in the morning. And not the same one I ate before bed. *if seen, anticipate being asked to come home early because I have been laying on the cold tile all day and house has been hit by a tornado toddler*
  • Bottles of zofran can be found in every room, by the bed, in the diaper bag, and in the car. All only have 1 pill left being saved for "a really bad day"--husband continues to mumble "this is a good day?"
  • With the exception of the belly, I look like a hollow-eyed, anorexic refuge.
  • Your produce bill explodes. All of it fruit. I won't share.
  • I avoid the scale because the weight-loss makes me terrified and feel incredibly guilty.
  • There are even more tissues around the house than allergy season. All used. No energy to pick them up. Constant nasty drippy nose. Constant.
  • The term gassy doesn't begin to describe how your insides feel. Husband teases you relentlessly. I am in constant discomfort at the end of the day from it.
  • And I'm so incredibly relieved to be this sick. Inside I'm relishing all the illness and thanking God I'm able to live through these agonizing weeks. 
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