Friday, October 26, 2012

Project 52 | Week 43 | Experimenting


To get it just right.
Right amount of yell.
Right amount of echo.

He's figured out that if he yells, it echo's in that corner. He finds it hilarious. He'll totally stand there for 5 or more minutes until he gets it "just right". How he figures this weird stuff out cracks me up.

Wednesday, October 24, 2012

Baptism Sewing

So in going through my drafts folder I have a ton of posts I either half started or never should publish, but this is one that I have no idea why I didn't.  When we were setting the date to get Lloyd baptized and I'd finally given up on trying to find our family christening gown (but I did end up finding over a year later, bummer), I had to figure out what he would wear. 

I hated everything in the store (and I wasn't about to spend $60 on something I didn't like that he would wear a few hours).  So after googling, making copious trips to both Hobby Lobby and JoAnn's Fabrics, I still couldn't even find a pattern for a pair of suit pants and vest for a little boy.  Everything is so hokey or not fancy enough.  And there are literally 1 little boy patterns to ever 10 little girl.  So annoying! Little boys deserve cute things too!!  So Sunday night I got to cutting for the little boy pants I made based off this pattern I found (duh) at Make It, Love It.
cutting out patterns was perfect for watching Game 4 of the World Series
By the end of Monday I had the 95% finished product (back pocket flaps and detail stitching remained), and holy jeeze they fit and looked adorable!
I like how it looks like he is just loungin' in his linen pants after a hard day at work
So Tuesday I took a day off because we had our 4 month doctors appointment, with lots of shots, and I already had one cranky teething baby (poor little guy, that tooth is giving him hell).

Then I began tackling the vest, also found the pattern from Make It, Love It for a double-sided vest. I as essentially making a lined vest because I didn't care if it was reversible.  But regardless, Side one was the matching Linen and side two was heavy satin.
I also made the bow-tie.  Too cute. :) I wish we'd taken a shot of just him but all we have are tons of family photos.  Hindsight is 20/20 right?

such a cute photo with our Auntie Tiffany
He doesn't see her very often, but every time he loves up on her.
So cute. :)

Tuesday, October 23, 2012

Mommy Diary: 16 Months

Developments this Month:
  • Started self initiated potty training. He's figured out the peeing part it's the pooping we need to work on.
  • Allergic not only to egg whites now but oranges (and we are just going to assume for now it's all citrus).
  • Lots of words in addition to dog, cheese, momma and dadda: hot (with hand motions), thank you, milk, Donnie, JahJah (Georgia), kitty, that's it,  what that, and yes.
  • Twirling.
  • Following directions really well. Also ignoring directions really well. LOL.

This little man is so stinking fun and playful.  He runs everywhere and wants to tell you and show you everything. He loves music and dancing.  He loves playing at toddler time and is actually playing with other kids.  He and the girl down the street have fairy regular play dates and he hugs her and says her name.  It is so adorable.

This toddler phase is in full swing and I love it!

Monday, October 22, 2012

Same Love

I know there are people and friends who read my blog who don't agree with my stance on a few things, but this is one I'm pretty vocal about. Despite my almost insistence on avoiding political discussions or preferences--ever--this maters. I was crying watching it after my friend Janet posted it earlier and I couldn't not share it with you. It's beautiful, true, and meaningful.



Project 52 | Week 42 | Pumpkin


He's such a curious little man.
He was all over the place.
He's a total mess and I love it.

He had a ball. It was really warm again this year so we couldn't stay too long.  But he was running all over the place. Making it hard to nail him down for a photo.  Had a ball.  Sweet boy.

Thursday, October 11, 2012


We went through something. Again. It is painful and emotional. We never even got to celebrate.  But I wrote most of this blog when it was happening and it helped me feel a bit better.  Why does writing it out comfort me so much? I don't honestly know.

I took a pregnancy test the morning of Friday, the 28th and it looked negative at first despite already being a day late. Lloyd was crying so I couldn't wait at all for it to "marinate". An hour later I had to pee again and looked at it.

Two lines. The second had appeared. Shocked. I could only walk out of the bathroom holding the stick. Caitlin looked at my face and smiled. I, of course, grabbed another test. There was spotting already. But two positive tests. Still shocked. Terrified of the blood.

Kept drinking water to rationalize going to the bathroom every 10 minutes. Blood. No blood. Blood. No cramping. Call the doctor. Wait for a call back. Feed the baby lunch. Nurse says to come in Monday for blood work, go to ER if I soak a pad an hour. Still spotting. Cramps start at dinner. Coach doesn't even know yet. Fake it.

I only got to tell Coach at 10:30 when he came home to grab something after the game and before he has to meet back up at school. He's excited. I'm too nervous about the blood. Go to bed. Baby cries. Fall asleep.

Wake up in excruciating pain at 5am. Husband fell asleep with baby. Go lay with them crying and stroking his soft, sweet baby hair. Cuddle my boys so tight. Tears. So many tears. SO much pain. Drift back to sleep with Coach holding me.

There was so much blood. What do I do? I lost a sweet baby before I could even smile. Before I could even feel hopeful. Pregnancy is terrifying, there is too much chance of loss. But the babies... They are so beautiful.  I was hurting so much those first few days. I didn't know what to do. This is so awful. Again. 4 pregnancies. 1 baby. The math is not fair. Not right. Not ok. My heart broke again. My sweet boys are so precious. But I'm broken even more after this and so afraid and so hopeful for a next time.

Blood work the next week held my HCG at zero both times, it was so early that waiting 3 days and it was already gone. I had a chemical pregnancy, i.e. an exceptionally early miscarriage.  Thanks to science and the accuracy of pregnancy tests these days, you can tell you're pregnant on the day of a missed period.  So you can know you lost a baby too, explaining the weirdest "period" you've ever had.  It doesn't take away the hurt or the fact that I still managed to turn 3 tests positive during that weekend praying that the baby would stay, or that I still had to mourn the loss of another beautiful life that could have joined our family.  But we'll try again.  And again until they're here, safe in our arms.  Sweet angel, we long for you.  

I just simultaneously cannot go through it again but feel like our family isn't complete. I want to feel another little life move within me, hold them in my arms, nurse them through the night, watch them grow and develop, and more than anything I want to see Lloyd as the wonderful big brother I know he will be.  Life is so hard.  Will it ever be easy?

Friday, October 5, 2012

Project 52 | Week 40 | Rite of Passage

Rite of Passage

Standing, tripping up my feet.
Anxiously awaiting that blessed utensil.
Ready to enjoy the special treat.  
Licking the beaters.  

uh, yummie mommy

Wednesday, October 3, 2012

Project 52 | Week 39 | Listening


Because even though it boggles your mind,
Sometimes these amazing children get curious.
Then THEY want to try new things.
So you make it happen.
Even if it is totally crazy.
You've just got to let them figure it out if they want to give it a try.

We cannot believe this is happening in our house, but it is totally self initiated. It's definitely a long process but if he's interested in figuring it out we are there for him. With a towel and some vinegar spray. Thank goodness for hardwood floors!