Friday, April 27, 2012

Project 52 | Week 17 | Heartbreak

Sometimes you ache for others because they're going through something so difficult and you know first hand how painful life can be.  Then that person is your, your only family, and your whole inside shudders with sadness hard enough to destroy the earth.  We've been holding onto her secret for weeks now but it doesn't change the truth: it happened, it is awful, and our family is hurting.  She's got details on her blog but I know they're keeping it quiet otherwise.

Did you know in the Jewish faith that the reason men are not to touch their wife after she gets her period is two fold: she is "unclean" during this period but also so that she can mourn the loss of the possibility of a child (my sister told me that)?  This separation is known as the Niddah, it starts from the day of first blood and ends on the 7th clean day post-menstruation (about 12 days).  At this point the woman takes a bath of cleansing, a kosher Mikvah.  Which usually coincides with ovulation, and the cycle begins anew with the reuniting of wife with husband.  The Jewish faith upholds the value of women and their fertility, encouraging their sexuality and praising their ability to create life.  

When this life is taken from you, we all mourn.  We all must cleanse and begin anew. Even if we always carry that mourning within us.

P.S. the photo is my wrist band from the blueberry, when we lost him/her. And the fabric is what I'd bought for his/her receiving blanket. I still keep it because I can't imagine giving it to someone else or using it now.  It's a reminder of the precious life I was never able to hold.

Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Mommy Diary: Week 45

My posts from last week that were supposed to go live never did (no clue why), so if you missed them: last week's Project 52 and yesterday's love letter.

Developments This Week:
  • Added the word "duck" to our repertoire, even if only at bathtime.  
  • Out of almost all 12 month clothes, it's the pants we're still using.  He's got short little legs (like me) so far. 
Lloyd's sleep has been all over the place since he was sick a few weeks ago and I have no idea when it'll be back to "normal".  We never make it more than a few weeks without him starting to wake up at night for some reason or another, but it's usually even then on some kind of pattern.  This changes from night to night (12:30 one night, 2 and 6:30 another, 4:00 the next, etc.).  And if it's regular mid-evening wake-up's somehow your body quickly figures out how to adjust. But this is wreaking havoc on my sleep.  That and whatever GI issues I had last week took a very long time to go away, so I'm just feeling pretty drained all day.  

We went down to Austin Saturday to meet up with all my Austin Girls (the ladies I was in show choir with in high school).  Lloyd did great on the car ride down, around all the girls, sleeping in a strange place (we stayed with Lauren at her beautiful town-home--I miss a house staying clean like hers was tidy. sigh), but it stopped there.  He screamed a lot on the way home and our 3 hour drive home took 4 and a half hours.  At one point we were stopping every 30 minutes.  Which is hard on everyone.  And makes me nervous about taking him to Washington state this summer (on a plane, but still) to visit my sister (my brother-in-law will be deployed).  I think we'll end up being "those people" on the plane with a crazed toddler running around, but who knows.  

Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Poetry of Marriage

“I'll Be There For You”

I'll be there, my darling, through thick and through thin
When your mind's in a mess and your head's in a spin
When your plane's been delayed, and you've missed the last train.
When life is just threatening to drive you insane
When your thrilling whodunit has lost its last page
When somebody tells you, you're looking your age
When your coffee's too cool, and your wine is too warm
When the forecast said, “Fine,” but you're out in a storm
When your quick break hotel, turns into a slum
And your holiday photos show only your thumb
When you park for five minutes in a resident's bay

And return to discover you've been towed away
When the jeans that you bought in hope or in haste
Just stick on your hips and don't reach round your waist
When the food you most like brings you out in red rashes
When as soon as you boot up the bloody thing crashes
So my darling, my sweetheart, my dear...
When you break a rule, when you act the fool
When you've got the flu, when you're in a stew
When you're last in the queue, don't feel blue
'cause I'm telling you, I'll be there.
-Louise Cuddon

Sometimes marriage really is that ridiculous.  And I love being married to someone who accentuates the silly. I'm so serious and pessimistic naturally and I'm thankful to have met Coach, someone who just lets life roll off his shoulders and knows what's worth getting worked up over  Sometimes I'm just thankful he loves me. It really is that simple. 3 years ago he asked me to marry him.  I'm thankful every day for that too.

"All the stars in the sky and all the shells on the shore ... if you counted them up, I'd still love you more."

Friday, April 20, 2012

Project 52 | Week 16 | Project

Boy oh boy was this week full of projects that needed to get done.
  • Pantries put back together after being gutted, spackled, painted, and shelving installed.
  • Bathroom being textured and painted.
  • Guestroom being painted.
  • Cloth wipes being made for our transition over to them from disposables.
And, shockingly, they all were finished early or on time.  Which considering we've had a sick-ish baby and I got struck with some kind of stomach/intestinal bug for the last 3 days or so, is impressive.  Feels good to have all this stuff done.  

We even picked out tile, we just have to go order it and choose the layout, for the bathroom.  Which I've been shopping for for what seems like forever.  So now that the bathroom walls are done we can get that tile in (after the medicine cabinets and new fixture get put in).  It looks great!
The pantries fit so much more now that the shelves make sense, I've even managed to empty out a whole cabinet in the kitchen, thus allowing me to put things invading our counter space into the cabinet and making it less cluttered.... sometimes.  :) I love our pantry now!! It makes sense! It's organized!  I want to live in it.  Yay for The Container Store's awesome people who helped us get the space and shelving we needed out of the tiny little closets, especially since we scored it all during their Spring Elfa sale. Yeah buddy. Look at the pretty pantry:
The cloth wipe's I've been putting off for a while.  They just creeped me out! Mostly because what to use as the solution just seemed too confusing, plus the whole "preventing mold" and all that stuff.  So I kinda decided to try just keeping them dry and use a spray-bottle loaded with water, a drop of tea tree oil and lavender oil, and a drop of baby soap, and see how that goes. The hospital sent us home with like 3 extra receiving blankets we never touched or used since Lloyd hated the swaddle, so I cut those up and made the wipes out of that.  So a no-cost solution.  Except for the oils, which were expensive but will last forever since you only use a drop.  So we'll see. Coach still refuses to use anything but disposables for the poopy diapers (and I'm kinda on board with that), and so at least we'll be using cloth 75% of the time.  Better than nothing, especially considering we're just now starting to run out of the stash of disposable wipes we received as gifts.  10 months isn't too bad.
Now I can check all that off my list!

Thursday, April 19, 2012

What the Deuce?

In scouring amazon for some nursing products this popped up:
Milkies Milk Saver
I mean, seriously?  It catches the extra milk from one side when you nurse the other.  Which is smart, but who leaks that much to need a $25 dealie to catch up to 2.5 ounces!  Wow.  Just wow....

I would much rather spend some superfluous nursing money on one of these Swedish nursing tops:
Boob Lace Nursing Top
My cousin had a few of the Boob nursing shirts I remember commenting on when she was nursing her second, and they just look so much cuter and more covert than the American kinds you can find.  Those Europeans just design better nursing gear because they encourage nursing more than over here, I think.  Sad panda, because they're expensive to buy here as a result. Yuck. But how pretty is that?!

Wednesday, April 18, 2012

Mommy Diary: Week 44

Developments This Week:
  • Lloyd seems to have an allergy to Figs (of all things).  Broke out in a rash all weekend almost 45 minutes after eating (and loving, unfortunately) 2 figs.  Bummer. Was scary watching the redness cover his little body.
I'm sick. I feel like trash, so this week is short short.  Coach is actually coming home early from work to watch Lloyd. That's how awful I feel.  Ugh, I hate making him miss work.  

Monday, April 16, 2012

Mommy Diary: 10 Months

Changes This Month:
  • His real first words: Mommy, Dadda, Dog.
  • First Easter celebration.
  • Pointing to things and talk! talk! talk!
Cannot believe how old he is!

Friday, April 13, 2012

Project 52 | Week 15 | Need

With Lloyd being so sick this week it's kind of brought flashbacks to my childhood to the forefront of my mind.  That and yesterday, after talking with my sister, I really wished my mom was here for both of us more than any day since she passed away.  Sometimes you just need your mommy.

Even if it's when she's going to the bathroom.  But Lloyd doesn't seem to mind, he just grabs my legs, stands up, ducks his head between my knees, and whines "momma momma momma" until I'm done.  Man if only it was that easy kiddo.  

Feel better bugger. :(

Wednesday, April 11, 2012

Mommy Diary: Week 43

Developments This Week:
  • First Unassisted steps.
  • Enjoying our first Easter egg hunt and Easter ribs.
I've got a whole Easter post coming up, there was too much cuteness to not.  But he did great with 60+ people, no nap, and all the over-stimulation.

He's got his first sickies right now.  He's been running a fever since monday. Yesterday it was about 101.4 all day, with Advil it'd go down to about 99.  Took him to the pediatrician and his ears and throat look perfect, again, so she says it's probably just one of the many spring viruses floating around. But if he still has the fever Friday we'll go back in.  Fingers crossed it goes away  He's still (for the most part) totally happy.  As evidenced by the last 30 minutes of him playing in the dishwasher (pulling the drawers out, throwing the clean tupperware around, talking to the utensils, etc).  But then he'll only ant to be held for hours at a time in the evening.  And all day he asks for "Dadda".  Luckily Coach is home by 3:30 these days, so he doesn't have to wait long.  He's also added at least one extra nap a day since this fever has started and now only wants crackers at meal time, but hey when I'm sick I nap extra too and only want Lays potato chips--so who am I to judge. 

He is such a sweetie.  I hate seeing him feel like crud. :(

He accidentally took 2 steps without our help this week. he's a walking fool as long as he has your hands or a piece of furniture to hold on to, but over the weekend we took him to a soccer game and he was walking with Coach towards me on the blanket and he just let go and took off. One. Two. and into my arms.  We were totally aghast.  And he keeps trying to stand up by himself.  He gets his legs and arms straight, on all fours, then can't get up and will crawl to you for help up.  Over and over and over again throughout the day.  It's not long.

Saturday, April 7, 2012

Project 52 | Week 14 | Leading by Example

This little guy is a healthy little eater.  

Although it'd be great if he ate more of the higher calorie foods we've offered him, he just wants those veggi's.  He is even a big fan of feeding himself out of bowls now.  Which led to our first broken bowl, but hey. I'm fine with that, it's just stuff. And these eating habits will help him become a healthy adult.

Love that squishy face.

*always a day late, but Friday's are just so impossible*

Wednesday, April 4, 2012

Mommy Diary: Week 42

Developments This Week:
  • Lots of Momma and Dadda when he wants to be picked up, cuddled, or held.
  • Found out he is allergic to egg whites but not milk proteins any more. 
So he's allergic to egg whites which would effect us more if he ate processed food, but since I make everything myself it's not a big deal.  I'm still not sold that he's not come some kind of intolerance to dairy because adding it back into my diet has made him a little constipated. Doesn't help that he's got a really big runny nose and so he's either not pooping or it's runnnnnnnyyyyyy (and clear the room stanky).  So I'm not sure, I'm doubting some kind of tummy troubles with dairy even if it's not a full on allergy.

Shockingly, blows my mind, the storms that passed through our area yesterday hit national (and international) news in less than an hour.  We got emails and texts from friends around the country.  I guess shockingly because we've seen worse, this is the tail end of tornado alley, it didn't really phase us and everything here is fine. Lloyd and I had run out before the rain was to pick up to get his prescription about 8 miles from our house.  By the time we got there, paid, and left the outdoor warning sirens were going off and I looked at the radar to see a confirmed tornado touch down only a few miles from our house.  So I hauled butt to my in-laws house (only about 2 miles away from where we were, but hadn't gotten the rain or winds yet--freaky how it all works around here).  Lloyd and I parked ourselves in a closet and then in his Uncle's room for the duration of the larger rain bands.  All they got was a lot of rain, but we ended up staying for about 3.5 hours to ride it all out and make it safely back to our house further south after he took a nap.  Our whole neighborhood is totally fine, not even limbs down, but not 2 miles away is a mess.  Coach's school was put on tornado lock-down for an extra hour and that was interesting--locking kids in interior classrooms for 2 hours to ride it out equals chaos from overly chatty kids--but everything is good there too.  This article on the Huffington Post site was particularly poignant for our area. But everything went well. Crackers + toys = oblivious baby.

Also, this kiddo is a foodie: absolutely DEVOURED pork stuffed with goat cheese, rosemary, and mushrooms.  Then topped it off with some mango for desert.  Also enjoyed an avocado and pepper quesadilla for lunch.  I think we're having a mini growth spurt, so trying to get him some good foods with calories in them to help out.  Poor kiddo looks less and less like a baby every day.  Momma is not ready for a toddler! To which I hear, mommamommamommma from the other room for our bye-nighties feeding, lol.