Thursday, June 30, 2011

We Call This: Dead Arm

First off, I cannot look at this photo or Lloyd's face without laughing:
Akin to this face, on display the day after he was born:
Notice the arm, completely lifeless and hanging.  This is the sign that our son is officially in "boob coma", aka passed out.  When I carry him to bed and he has 2 "dead arms", I know we're in for a good stretch of sleep.  I also know that he is absolutely adorable.  It's completely funny.  Coach will walk by, lift his arm up, and if it curls back to his chest or he offers resistance: we've got a good bit more food to chug down (and yes, it does sound like he's chugging it--like it's ever been taken away. poor kid is a breastfeeding fiend).  If he lifts it and it plops down on the pillow, we're good to go for sleep and he'll pick Lloyd up, lay him down, and plop himself into bed/couch/go do something productive.  

So now the question in the house isn't "is he done feeding?" it's "do we have dead arm?"

Ahhh the glories of parenthood. :)

Congratulations!

Just a quick congrats to my friend Janet, who has her last day of work today!  She's also a realtor in the DFW area and is one B.A. lady--so check out Marcum Realty. Woohoo! Welcome to the land of less stress, productivity, and infinite happiness! Yay! You go girl!

Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Mommy Diary: Week 2

Mommy Diary: 2 Weeks Old!
Things we've learned so far:
  1. Yes you have a bassinet/pack-n-play all ready in your room. But did you think about lighting in the middle of the night?  No? Us either.  Coach has learned to sleep without even noticing me turn on the lamp on my nightstand, but we had to play with it those first 2 nights.  
  2. Also, where are you nursing in the middle of the night? I can tell you that if you try to nurse in bed you'll be fighting your eyelids the entire time.  I nurse in the bathroom, on my comfy leather chair that sits by my vanity.  I put my water bottle, my midnight snack, glasses, and Kindle all right there in arms reach during my feedings.  It works really well.
  3. If you don't have a Kindle, you may want to think about investing in one.  Reading while he feeds keeps me awake, ironically, and holding a book would be WAY too difficult.  I even have this case that came with a great light so I don't have to worry about squinting.  Lloyd doesn't even notice.
  4. Your baby may only spend a week in newborn diapers.  So have a stock of different sizes in at least 2 brands to figure out what works better.  Even if you plan to cloth diaper. These first 2 weeks are really difficult, you don't necessarily want to be also figuring out how to work the cloth diapering thing at the same time.  
  5. As your baby starts to get on a normal feeding schedule and the cluster feeding and first 7-10 day growth spurt feeding has caused a decrease in feeding, you may want to start that stock of breastmilk.  But start slowly, because you could easily cause engorgement and you don't want to worry about feeding and pumping at the same time.  So start slow and pay attention.  (as in: I've just now read the manual to my breast pump).
  6. Make sure you get out of the house at least a few times a week. It's easy to stay tethered to home right now, but it's important to get your baby used to their car seat so that you could easily take him/her out to dinner/lunch/shopping without them screaming because they're not used to it.
  7. Get a wrap if you don't already have one.  Lloyd LOVES the moby wrap I got from my registry.  It is wonderful, he is so comfortable and it is comfortable for me too.  It's great for grocery shopping.
  8. Pooping is still difficult. Farting can even be painful. Don't be scared to take a Colace so you don't kill your butt (or those awesome hemorrhoids that are still shrinking).
  9. Remember to keep drinking lots of water.  
  10. Get at least one good nap each day. You don't have to sleep every time your baby sleeps, but that one nap is important.
  11. You don't care if it's gas or what, but those cute little semi-smiles are beautiful.  Their face is changing every day, new expressions, new things.  
  12. Now is a good time to either get photos taken, take photos, or order standard birth announcements.  I already had the addresses to whom we were sending them printed out from before I had the baby, so all I have to do is put those on and put stamps on the envelopes.  Makes it much easier.
  13. Try to get used to feeding with a cover.  I've had to feed twice in public now and it gets easier every time. Honestly, it's more uncomfortable to let Lloyd scream than to feed him. But it does take some courage.  Feeding him at my in-laws house the first time he got hungry anywhere but at home almost reduced me to tears. But I fed him at the OBs office in the lobby yesterday and in the hospital laboratory lobby today, it gets easier.  
  14. The weight will fall off! Yay breastfeeding!!!
  15. Have a box/small rubbermaid ready to put all the little things (hospital bracelets, hospital birth forms, hospital bassinet card, etc.) from those first few days into.  You don't really know what to keep or toss, so it's nice to have a box to put them in even if you are more entrepreneurial than me and are making a baby book.
  16. You watch a lot of TV when you're nursing.  You become an expert in a lot of random crap.  And you watch a lot of crap reality TV.  
  17. Buy the travel version of your swing, not the big one.  Moving it from room to room is so helpful, plus it's so much smaller.  Your house is already taken over with baby stuff, trust me. Also, buy this kneeler (we got ours at Target off our registry, it's plain green and not this obnoxious rain-forest but I digress)for the bath--it is amazing. Coach loves it, I love it, makes it so much better.
  18. Find a powerbar/granola bar you like and make sure to keep a few in the bathroom for your 3am feeding.  I love theseCorazonas Oatmeal Squares, they are so tasty!
Monday I went to the OB for my 2 week checkup. My doctor likes to see you at 2 weeks postpartum to make sure you're doing ok and not having any baby blues or postpartum depression.  I've lost 26 pounds!! Woop woop!!  although, honestly considering how much weight I gained (yikes) it's just a start. I still have a ways to go, but considering that all fell off without any attempt at diet or fitness, yay!  another win for Breastfeeding!  also doesn't hurt that I had a 9 pound baby!  My stomach is already getting flat(er), and I really did win the lottery. I'm just squishy. But I have 2 pairs of shorts (the ones I bought a few months ago) that fit fine, and since it's so hot here that's all I wear. I hope to squeeze into my jeans soon but I think I'll need another 10 pounds off to get there. I can't work out for a while still, and when I do I'll have to start slow and be careful because I need so many extra calories for breastfeeding, that it'll be a while before I get into my "motivation jeans" (no they are not my "skinny jeans", they are just my motivation to get fit again after the baby).  I can squeeze into some pants but it looks bad. REALLY bad. Stuffed sausage bad.  Aka, like the rest of fat america.

Lloyd had his 2 week checkup yesterday and put on another 12 ounces.  My son is a fatass.  The doctor was laughing when she came in he is doing so well.  She likes to see an ounce a day, and he's gaining 1.5.  He also is up to 22 inches long.  She said if he's sleeping 4 hour stretches, no worries--he's doing that well. Which is great because he has one a night and we love it.  Even if it means a big feed right before.  He's doing so well!! We don't go back in until he's 2 months--but he gets lots of shots that day.  Hard to believe that's August! Wow!  Which will be the week after Bethany's baby shower (!) and only a month before her little Hannah arrives (!WHAT!).  Time is already flying!  2 weeks!  

I was so curious to see what he would look like before he was born. Now I'm so curious to see what he's going to look like when he's older.  Coach cannot wait to play with him and take him places. I think the toddler years are going to be epic Daddy time. But we are in no rush.  This time is so precious.  He is all mine. Before I know it it'll be all about Daddy, busted knees, playing soccer, and breaking things. Now he's a Momma's boy.  It's a special time for mommy's and their sons.  I really believe that.  

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Coffee and Chicory

Don't know what Chicory is? Take a look.  I grew up on this stuff.  It's stronger, but I remember it being smoother.  I didn't even realize how smooth until starbucks came out and I tried it and almost hurled.  Beans are burned, it's bitter, and their coffee is not smooth.  Not a fan, sorry.  I'm used to a good cafe au lait--coffee and chicory with warm milk.  My parents always had cold brew coffee in the house and so it was easy and convenient--pour as much as you want (strong, weak, it's up to you) and then hot water over the rest. It stays in a container in the back of the fridge for a long time.  My mom had this ancient brew dealie and a glass container that was specific to the cold brew coffee that was always in the fridge.  I never thought twice about it until I had my first apartment and wanted my own drip system--mom and I looked with no success.  So I got a small, cheap, regular coffee maker. It just doesn't taste the same.  

A friend shared this link today and I nearly jumped out of my skin. Then I immediately got onto Amazon and found one, bought it, and cannot wait for it to be here.  Yay!! How excited am I to go buy one of my favorite coffee and chicory brands, make some cold drip, have my own distinctive jar in the fridge, and only need hot water when I want a cup--what a luxury! Especially with a 2 week old! woooohooooo!!

Maybe it's a weird thing to be excited about, but it's nostalgic and really simple.  And that it reminds me of Saturday morning breakfasts with my Dad as well as weekday moments with my Mom as a teen doesn't hurt. A little reminiscent of simpler times.  I can't wait to raise my cup and enjoy it's smoothness once again after so many years. Ah the memories...

Saturday, June 25, 2011

First Photo Shoot

I needed some photos to put on Lloyd's birth announcement. So after his bath with Daddy we had a mini photo shoot and I'm pretty impressed at how cute they turned out!  Cheeks!! 



Such a sweet little man.  We love you!!  Can't stop kissing those little rolls!

Friday, June 24, 2011

Baby Girl Crafts

I forgot to post this a while ago when I made it. Girl clothes are just easier and more fun.  Boy clothes are so complicated and time consuming.  Oh well! I even made the satin flower, which was pretty easy--I just sewed a fun button in the middle and attached it to the corner. I was pretty proud of myself!
Pillowcase Dress pattern via Prudent Baby

Thursday, June 23, 2011

Holy Breastfeeding Batman

via Everyday People Cartoons
oh honey... you have no idea.  

My boobs are HUGE!!! Scary huge!! Orbs of terror!  And they're full of milk!  Thanks to my son who cannot get enough, they are massive and constantly filling back up.  I need to start pumping to save for whenever we feel comfortable actually going out for that Sushi I've been dreaming about for weeks months. It really sucks to have to special order your bra size.  Really sucks. Oh well, he's worth it and I feel kind of badass that my milk is so awesome for him.  It's pretty empowering and it is special for us to get all this time bonding.  It's a beautiful gift.

An exhausting, mind numbing, sometimes uncomfortable gift--but it's amazing none the less.

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Mommy Diary: Week 1

Let's see if I can keep this up for a whole year, Mommy Diary: Week 1
'
Lloyd is one week old today.  We're starting to get things figured out.  We think. Things we've learned so far:
  1. This first week is hard. Really hard.  The hormones reduced me to tears multiple times during those first few nights from sheer exhaustion and uncertainty.
  2. Having a 9 pound baby wasn't so bad with the epidural. I could not have done it without.  Wow.
  3. Babies smell like heaven.  
  4. I love my son more than words can even express. There needs to be a word bigger and more all encompassing than "love", because really--it doesn't cut it.
  5. Having a baby who cluster feeds is really difficult, even if it means they're super healthy and thriving--the constant back to back to back feedings for a few hours before a big sleep are totally mind numbing and exhausting.  Especially when they happen in the middle of the night. The pediatrician said this is probably just a phase here the first few weeks, and boy do we hope so.
  6. The Huggies Newborn little Snugglers diapers are no bueno for little boys. We switched to the Pampers Swaddlers Sensitive for newborns.  The Huggies have an umbilical cord cut-out in the front that while handy in theory, means that if his little penis can find that 1" area where it is not elastic right there, he pees all over himself and you.  Usually at the 3 A.M. feeding.  Over it! 
  7. Babies do not like sponge baths.  He gets so worked up he almost can't feed after.  Guaranteed we haven't given him many, but I'm hoping this will change once we can actually bathe him and he's not all exposed to air.
  8. You are completely unable to answer phone calls.  Text messages are the communication tools of Mommy's.  
  9. Even the most amazing family can get a little over-obsessed with your kiddo in the first few days/weeks.  And with your crazy hormones you will feel both awful for thinking bad things about them and irritated at the same time.  Until they hold your kid so you can go pee and take a shower, then you remember that they're awesome.
  10. Having Coach home during theses first few weeks is the best thing ever.  Couldn't do it without him, especially at night when Lloyd has a marathon feeding frenzie for 2 hours and you're about to lose it you just want him to be done but it's your kiddo and apparently he's forgotten that he just ate a few hours ago.
  11. Your belly shrinkage will amaze you, especially if you thought you'd be leaving the hospital with a significant bulge and you only left with a pooch.
  12. Your breasts are bignormous.  Of epic proportions.  They make your kiddo's head look tiny when you're feeding. And that bra you bought that you thought was never going to fit and almost returned? yeah, it fits.  
  13. Even when you're exhausted, it's 1am, you haven't slept, and you're at wit's end--you look at your child and see nothing but beauty and love.
  14. You love your husband more than you ever did before. LOTs more.
  15. You're turned on by your husband even more (probably related to #14 and the fact that when he holds your child you look at him with bigger goo-goo eyes than when you were dating)--which is strange considering your lady parts are still damaged and your boobs are scary (see #12).  But you cant wait to feel better and be cleared so you can hold each other again.  
  16. Your feet did, contrary to your fear, return to normal.  Your fingers have yet to de-swell and you're still looking forward to wearing your wedding bands again instead of your pregnancy substitutes.  You're about to jam them on your fingers even if it kills you.
  17. Your husband needs his own bonding time with the baby.  Make sure he gets at least a few activities that are purely "Daddy Time".  Coach is now the exclusive bather and tummy time/play time parent.  It's important that they bond in their own way, because if you are breastfeeding the mommy has that covered.  And your husband, even if he won't admit it, feels left out.  Plus watching them lay down together and play together is the most beautiful thing ever.
  18. and oh yeah, your heart is still exploding with amazement every day.
We had our first pediatrician appointment on Monday. They insisted we go monday because he had slightly elevated bilirubin levels when we left the hospital.  However, our Pedi said he looks great and the only remaining yellowness is slightly in his face.  He also managed to gain back 8 ounces of the 10 he lost--which is apparently ridiculously good.  I'm totally exhausted.  But he is sleeping better every day.  The weeks are easier than the weekends I think because no one is here but us, so he doesn't get over stimulated which can cause epic feeding issues.  We're learning.

Coach is so helpful but feels like he doesn't do anything.  He is just wonderful with Lloyd and talks to him all day.  He holds him when he screams, seems to be able to burp him 100x better than I can, and is just plain amazing.  I couldn't be happier with my family and I swear I have the most amazing husband ever.  I feel incredibly lucky.  INCREDIBLY lucky. Seeing my boys together makes me want more babies... although not for a while. :)

And this is the face of "feed me woman! I'm obviously starving":

Monday, June 20, 2011

Welcome Lloyd

So, obviously, I gave birth.  To a son.  Who is all consuming and amazing.  He is incredible.  I want to post our birth story eventually, but I'll just post a few photos right now. 

Lloyd Alois was born June 15, 2011 at 3:47 A.M.
9 Pounds, 2 Ounces
20.5 Inches
Our first real cuddle.  He stopped crying immediately after they put him on my chest
Our first family photo.  I couldn't have loved Coach more than at this moment
Until I saw him hold our son for the first time. 

Sunday, June 19, 2011

Happy 1st Fathers Day

Happy 1st Fathers Day to the most amazing man I have ever known. Thank you for loving  me, supporting me, and only you could have made me this happy.  You are the father of my children and the bond we share is even more beautiful as we watch our son change before our eyes every day.  I look at you and see a beautiful future of  hope and love, without you I feel lost.  You are even more amazing as I watch you hold our son, calm him like no one else can, and hold me as I cry tears of sheer joy at our new life.  I'm grateful everyday that you took a chance on me.  I always promise to remind you of how important you are to me and how you make my life more joyful every day.  

Happy Fathers Day, may we always deserve the love you give us at every breath.

Love,
Colleen & Lloyd

Monday, June 13, 2011

We're Ready

the room is cleaned and set.
everything has its place
The guest room is ready for my stepdad to arrive (yes!)
the puggles are ready to figure out what this whole deal has been about
the bags, donation kit, and carseat are ready to go into the car
and Momma is DEFINITELY ready.
I spent the morning sweeping, mopping the floors, vacuuming the baby's room, vacuuming the couches, put clean sheets on our bed, tidied up the guest room for my step dad to visit, repacked our bags, dusted, cleaned the kitchen, and made waffles.  It's amazing what you get done before 9 when you wake up at 6:30.    our appointment isn't until 1:30 so we're just hanging around the house.  I'm trying to decide what I want to eat as my potential "last meal" before being hooked up at the hospital if they send us straight over to start the induction (fingers crossed for this option).  Coach brought it up and honestly I can't even think of what I want.    Sushi, but yeah that's still not possible. haha.  

We have 2 possible scenarios:  after the BPP and sono she sends us over to be induced either right then or later this evening.  OR we go in at the crack of dawn tomorrow.  I really hope for the former because if they start the pitocin tonight, I should be able to get a few hours of rest during the early hours and not be too exhausted. Not to mention that would mean I would (hopefully) deliver tomorrow in the daytime, so my doctor could be there.  So fingers crossed. If she gives me an option (which she usually does) that's my choice.  Inductions take a while on first time moms, even when they're already dilated and effaced like I am.  So first, we're hoping I've progressed more than the 3cm 70% effaced I've been at for 2 weeks, but if not (which I think is unlikely) my chances of delivering normally are still really good.  

My next post will be as a mommy.  How weird is that? I still cannot believe it. I think through this whole thing I haven't felt real about it because I can't believe we'll be able to take him home, that he will be healthy and ours and something won't go wrong. I don't know if that's because of the miscarriage (I think it is) or what, but until I hold him and he's ok--I will not believe this whole process is real.  Everyone keeps asking me if I'm excited. Yes.  But it's also apprehensive--I'm still afraid he could be taken away from us.  Must.Be.Positive.

Now to decide what's for lunch....

Saturday, June 11, 2011

Still Here. Still Fat.

Donnie is waiting...
Georgia is waiting....
There is still no baby in that car seat, in case you missed it
and I still can't have a glass of this.
So, overall.... Still pregnant.

Friday, June 10, 2011

Living Room Built-Ins

Since I'm just sitting on my pregnant ass waiting for this baby to arrive, you'd think I was being productive and posting the photos from our new living room built-ins.  They were installed last Saturday and we love them more and more every day.  It's now officially too hot for Coach to get into the attic and finish dropping the lines into the right cabinet (we had precut holes and there are electrical outlets in each side of the cabinets), so until it cools off we'll still have the wires running from the back of the TV to the top shelf, but after waiting for these things for the entire time we've been in the house: I'm all to happy to deal with that minor setback.
the wonderful installers, they were so nice

still drooling

yes we have quite a few DVDs.... We have a problem

the designers added the cornerstone at the last moment, really nice!

Finally have a place to display my dad's shadowbox with his flag and ribbons

This is where the shelf holding the TV components has been reassigned

I love it and the red shades are new from Ikea
Overall, they are amazeballs! They look like they've always been there.  There are 3 shelves each in the bottom cabinets too that are basically empty still.  They came without the knobs, so we went to Hobby Lobby and my love of Fleur-de-lis continues through our house.  They kind of bring me back to my New Orleans routes every time I look at them.  

And I love having the small shelf/bookcase right there in the entryway.  It really looks nice and holds some of Coach's Jack Daniels collectors bottles without exposing them to sunlight.  So yay!  What's funny is that 2 separate people have come in and gone "oh wow, what a nice bookcase when did y'all get that" when we've had it for years. Bonus! :)

Also just now catching the very beginning of Philadelphia on TV.  Gosh this movie is incredible.  Wow, every time I watch it it breaks my heart.

Overdue, Yes I'm Still Here

via EverydayPeopleCartoons.com
I'm officially Past Due.  I'm also officially freaking over it.  As if the last 2 weeks didn't make me feel like I couldn't take any more, I definitely feel that way now.  It's almost 100 degrees here so when you leave the house it's like you're just silently accepting that you will never feel cool again.  Which, at 10 months pregnant, is already a reality because you're hauling around a ridiculous amount of weight that kills your back, knees, and what few abdominals are left.  

I started having painful, yet random contractions after my OB appointment Wednesday.  They were bad enough to semi-wake me up periodically through the night.  Then Yesterday I had them all day and they got regular and between 5-7 minutes apart for 5 hours before they slowed down to 8-9 minutes apart (but got more painful).  We showered and went to bed after watching the Mavs game.  I woke up intermittently with the painful ones, and also woke up sweating so bad from them I (on numerous occasions) hoped it wasn't sweat I was covered in but maybe my water had broken.  No dice.  Still having them, still uncomfortable, but still at home.  

Mostly, it's emotionally draining to be past your due date when you're all ready to go.  Also even worse when you (and your doctor and family) was under the distinct impression you'd go early due to massive amounts of contractions for weeks leading up to now.  Every morning I wake up and send out texts to say "still pregnant".  My mother in law is fielding massive phone calls from Coach's family wanting to know if he's here yet or if we're even in the hospital.  When we do go out and I tell people I'm at my due date I get a scary look like my water will break on their flip-flops.  Lady, I wish it would break on your cheap ugly shoes--I'd give you $20 to go buy new ones gladly if it would JUST FREAKING BREAK!  But no...

I'm in constant discomfort from the contractions because they are uncomfortable and sometimes reduce me to a bent over, deep breathing, heifer.  and if they're just "mild" I clutch my ginormous belly and close my eyes to try and ride them out.  Not to mention I can't be more than 5 minutes from a bathroom because baby boy is sitting on it now.  Doesn't this sound delightful? We prayed for this! And I'm still thankful for it, but I'm MISERABLE!  I know he'll come in his own time, but dang it child you're already estimated to be large just come OUT!  

So I'm still here.  But can't sit long because the contractions hurt worse sitting down and I'm still having them, so I lay on the couch all day trying to remember what feeling "cool" was like instead of the perpetual sweat monster I've become.  Fun. I'm so tired and exhausted from this last few days of pain that I could cry.  How much more can I take? uhg, This baby is a blessing but this last week is not. Monday we go back to the doctor for a biophysical profile and sono, sign me up for the induction--I've reached my limit doc.

Tuesday, June 7, 2011

Yup... Still Here

AND he's still hanging out in my womb.  I'm getting more over it by the day.  You don't think your body can disgust you any more in the last few weeks of pregnancy, oooohhhhh did you have it wrong.  The baby is so low and so big that while you've avoided any stretch marks this entire pregnancy, you now have such thin skin on the underside of your belly that it's pulling and looks like a cross between a stretch mark and just plain being able to see straight through to your muscles.  Your hips hurt even more.  He drops even further down making it feel like you have to poop all day (which, oh yeah, you do).  And then you start to lose your plug (do not click on that link unless you are a sick sick person).  

And that last thing, for the first time your entire pregnancy, makes you go "oh my god! that is DISGUSTING!" so loud your husband is standing outside the bathroom door asking you if everything is ok based on the gagging noises coming from your mouth.  Nice.  This has been happening for 5 days now.  Which according to the books means his arrival could be "any moment".  

Yeah.Right.

I'm at the point where I will not believe he's going to be here "any day" until I've pushed his 8+ pound body out of my hoo-haah and am holding his cute little body.  At which point I'll probably do two things simultaneously:
  1. have a panic attack
  2. wonder if we are, in fact, ready to be parents because now we have to be
then I'll probably start crying.  A good kind of cry, but hey--this has been a long road. A not easy one.  Full of every uncomfortable, unexpected, and nasty side effect you can have pretty much.  And honestly, because of the miscarriage, I never thought we'd make it this far and if I actually get to hold my screaming, peeing, pooping, warm baby--this whole experience will be real for the first time in 10 months.
From Dooce, because its applicable.

Friday, June 3, 2011

Pineapple Muffins

So when you're about to explode with a massive baby you cannot sleep. Like at all. Even with sleeping pills.  Doctor even told me to take half a hydrocodein to try and relieve some of the prodromal labor I've been having (yes, we now have a word for it).  All that did was make me uber dizzy and have to ask Coach to walk me to the bathroom because I couldn't trust myself to not fall over in the middle of the night.  

So instead of laying in bed feeling sorry for myself I baked (because I'm my mother's daughter and my house is already clean and we bake to relieve stress).  Fresh muffins.  Ready to serve Coach on his last day of school today. Wifey points: +1

Pineapple Muffins (makes 12)


3/4 c milk
1 egg
1/4 c oil
2 1/4 c flour
2 tsp Baking Powder
1/4 c brown sugar
1/4 c suggar
1/4 tsp salt
1 8oz can of pinneaple tidbits (drained)


Preheat oven to 400 deg.  Grease muffin pan (or use liners, whichever you prefer). Mix wet ingredients together with a whisk or fork, add dry ingredients and stir until smooth.  Add pineapple and mix well.  Spread evenly in muffin tin.  

Now, you can either add a topping (below) or bake as is for 20-25 minutes, until golden brown.  Remove from oven, if you used a greased tin let them sit for about 5 minutes before moving them to a wire rack.  Enjoy.


Topping:
1/4c brown sugar
1/4c flour
1/4 tsp ground cinnamon
2T butter


combine well and crumble over top of unbaked muffins before putting in the oven.

Thursday, June 2, 2011

Preston's Last Ride

My dear friend Preston Haun died last August.  He would be 30 this month.  His dad begins a ride next week that will take his ashes from Key West, Florida to Prudho Bay, Alaska--Preston's desired burial ground.  David will be doing all this on a BMW motorcycle, just like Preston had planned to do had the cancer not returned last summer.  

He has started a blog to chronicle his journey and even track his movements across the U.S.  I wish I could be a part of it.  I am so grateful his dad is such an amazing person to take his son on this final ride, and I hope that all his motorcycle friends are able to join David on the ride as they had hoped to do, many even for a few hundred miles but the intent and the meaning behind being a part of it is so much more than you can imagine. Especially if you knew Preston.  

So to my dear friend: ride west into the beautiful land you loved.  We always will love you.

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Baby Diary: 38 Weeks


Ok I barely slept last night due to contractions waking me up randomly. I had horrific traffic this morning coming into work, and I'm so tired I feel like crying. I'm in so much pain from all this uterine activity that has NO sign of doing anything, and I do not want to be at work. I have my drs appointment at 1:45 and I seriously do not know how I'm going to make it. I think I might go lay down in the fire station for an hour or so. I do not feel comfortable driving the 70 miles round trip to work anymore with all this activity. I think I may just call it quits after today as far as coming into work. I do not honestly think I can make it to friday.

I feel so awful hating this pregnancy so much right now. I have nothing but complaints. I have 8 days until my due date, another 7 before I think they'd induce me. I have contractions all day that are getting more painful but not closer together. They now hurt so much they wake me up. But there's nothing I can do but try to go back to bed because it's nothing to even go to the hospital for. Unless my water breaks, which despite the amount of pressure on my hips and pelvis I have right now (which has, as of last night, started causing intense pain in my extreme lower back and occasional sciatic pain in my right leg) doesn't appear to have any chance of happening. I feel like all these contractions are never going to go anywhere and they're still going to have to induce me. Which is so fucking pointless. Why am I having all this pain and activity if it's doing no good?

All my friends with kids said they never had all these contractions for days and days. I've been having contractions all day every day for a week now. Being hooked up to the monitors over the weekend just told me that I'm not crazy and they are contractions. Hell, i went to pee yesterday and ended up doubled over in the bathroom clutching my belly and gasping for breath they got so bad. I'm done. stick a fork in me.

are you totally discouraged about pregnancy yet? This little boy had better be cute. I know he'll warm my heart immediately and be worth it once he's here, but until then I'm just another absolutely miserable, grumpy, exhausted, bloated, swollen, gasy, crampy, and bitchy pregnant lady in her last days of pregnancy.