Tuesday, May 24, 2011

I Didn't Always Have a Watermellon in My Belly

We're posting information on our website and I was looking for some stock photos from the guys last year to see if we had anything usable and came across this from our MDA fundraiser (what a great organization! I'm sad I'll miss our Fill the Boot activities this year). 
 
This was exactly a week after my D&C and I remember being bloated and swollen still from the drugs, stress, and hormones.  I had my D&C on June 2nd.  We're approaching the date where we lost our first child while I'm about to have our second (I think I will always consider that first pregnancy as the loss of a child).  Our only successful pregnancy.  I still have fears about losing this baby, even in these last few weeks.  There have been enough people I know either directly or indirectly who have lost children late in pregnancy or at delivery, to make me still yearn with everything inside me to hear that blessed cry and hold a thriving little infant in my arms.  So much so that I don't care at all if he's covered in fluids, if he's changing colors faster than an iguana, if he's screaming, if he pees or poops on me, or if he doesn't even like me at first.  He'll have made it safe.  Against all the odds. 
 
Even if he's pushing on my pelvis so hard right now I can feel every indentation of my bones on his.  Doesn't help that I'm having my daily bout of intense contractions in the afternoon, that disappointingly always disappear despite my hopes they continue into a real labor pattern. 
 
also, how skinny do I look in that photo? I yearn for that, I don't even remember being that thin at this point........ lesigh

 
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