Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Baby Diary: Week 19

With the close of this week, I'm now half way through this pregnancy! I cannot believe it.  Although I do have to say, I am still feeling like the time is crawling by and he will never be here.  But I remember feeling like that before my first doctors appointment, like it would never come.  Also that I'd never start showing, and woah I look pregnant now.  Like very pregnant.  Coach walked into the bathroom after my shower and even he was shocked.  I saw my sister after only a week or so and she put her hands on my belly and her eyes were wide; he's really going to be in our arms in a few months.  It's finally starting to feel real, to feel ok, to feel special. 

Although, this low-lying placenta thing has me feeling kind of uneasy.  I've never had spotting or pain or cramping outside of the first trimester, so it can't be as bad as most people with partial placenta previa--complete restrictions and pelvic rest, none of which they mentioned to me.  But it does put a damper on everything I do.  I'm not lifting anything, I'm not doing anything strenuous (not that I was before), and I'm trying to keep my legs elevated at all possible times.  I'm scared to start taking the natural childbirth classes in case it doesn't move and I have to have that horrible scheduled C-section. 8 weeks until we find out, 8 agonizing weeks. 

To all of this 'lil bear is oblivious.  He is kicking up a storm, he gets so active in the afternoons.  He's getting bigger.  We're having a son!  His little closet now has a small pile of little things from his Grandparents and a few things I've gotten/made.  UT pacifiers, OSU pacifiers, funny pacifiers (from his auntie), converse (from Ashley), a pair of adorable khaki cargo's (bought for $2 at a resale shop, they look just like his daddy's), khaki corduroys ($1 at resale! amazing!), UT socks, UT beanie, UT food containers, hand made burp cloths, handmade blankets, OSU shirt, and lots of free formula from the doctor.  I go in there and see all that, the nursing covers, my diaper bag, the toys we've already received second hand from friends, my old things, and all I can think of is when we have him in here.  When I'll rock him to sleep amongst all these beautiful gifts, all the handmade items from me, all of these little things that went into making his part of our life so beautiful.  And all of these things will never even come close to showing him how much I already love him.  I hold my stomach and I just want to hold him and smell his sweet baby skin against mine.  I see Coach and I love him more than ever, we've gotten the most amazing gift--this beautiful, precious life.  I want him to be here, I'm ready for the sleepless nights and the 2am feedings.  I'm ready. 

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