Friday, December 17, 2010

Update on My Mom

She's been going down hill the past few days as expected. she's been having really bad anxiety every time she wakes up but she won't take the medicine they've prescribed too help that.  Although she shouldn't have any liquids, she wants to drink water and ICEE's because they help her throat from her NG-tube.  So she drinks them and we suck them right back up with the suction machine and it is giving her a sense of control and normalcy about the whole thing.  We are now with her at all times because she wakes up in a panic and needs help, or she wants to say something to us.  It's very quiet in the house and although we are all ready for her to go peacefully today it has become very real that she will leave us soon.  Her tone of voice has changed and she wants to hold our hands all the time.  She gets most anxious at night, but she's calmed a bit today with her friend Carissa who seems to be the only one who can calm her down after she gets worked up.

It's horrible to say but I hope we'll be home for Christmas; some normalcy would be nice after all this.  She's so tiny and weak, such a fraction of the woman who raised us.  This is the worst way to die and I don't wish it on anyone.  There is something to say about sudden, unexpected death that eliminates the suffering of the dying.  But we are all here and she finds a lot of comfort in that.  I'm just ready for her to walk out of this body that has nothing left to give her, and walk into the arms of the Lord.  She's going to find such peace and love there. 

Cailtin has a feeling she'll go tomorrow as it would be an ironic symmetry to the whole thing, it would have been my fathers 55th birthday.  Thank you for all your prayers, messages, and kind thoughts. It's getting so close.  It's kind of all hitting us.  I cannot believe she'll be gone soon. 
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