Friday, December 31, 2010

2010

2010 has been so full of highs and lows even I'd forgotten about everything.  So here's a list of all this years happenings:
  1. We moved into our new house
  2. I went back to school to try and get my PhD at OSU
  3. I did the Big D Climb and got to see Preston smiling at the top
  4. I broke out the sewing machine and really taught myself how to sew
  5. Painted the baby's room and main rooms
  6. We got a new backyard patio and new floors
  7. We started trying to get pregnant
  8. My awesome friend Preston Haun died
  9. We got pregnant again, due in June with a little boy
  10. My little sister got married to a wonderful man
So needless to say, I've got a lot of things that I would love to go differently in 2011.  I also have a lot of things to look forward to.  I'm hoping for some of the following:
  1. A smooth rest of our pregnancy (accompanied by some weight gain would make my doctor happy)
  2. A smooth, natural delivery (yes, I plan to do it without drugs)
  3. A beautiful baby to hold and love
  4. Finishing the baby's nursery, decorating and crafting the heck out of it
  5. Spending more time with friends this year
  6. Learning to be a calmer, less stressed, and less controlling wife and person in general
  7. Starting and finishing my first quilt (I cut the squares yesterday! so nervous!)
  8. Continuing to hone my sewing skillz
  9. Spending lots of time with my sister and her husband before they embark on the next phase of their life: Army life!
  10. "Enjoying" more home improvements (fingers crossed for wallpaper removal! ugh!)
  11. Taking life one step at a time, and living with no regrets as the best person I can be
Just a small list, but I'm definately ready for a new year and a new "beginning". 

Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Wet Bag Tutorial

I think I'm going to need a slew of these..... I could probably do this in 20 minutes (this is the easiest Wet Bag tutorial I've found!).  Must get some of the inside stuff and try it out. :) yeahhhhhh buddy!

Baby sewing projects underway, check.  Do I have any idea what I'm doing? As usual, no.

Colleen

Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Baby Diary: Weeks 14-16

These were the hardest to write of all of them.  But I feel like he would want to know eventually.  That we love him and that even though she's not here, my mom is looking out for him.  I love you little man, I want to hold you in my arms and protect you from all the bad things.  You are such a blessing.



Monday, December 27, 2010

We Got a Christmas Surprise

The Thursday before Christmas we went to the doctor (2 weeks late) and the baby is doing awesome.  I'm popping out of my clothes, I'm starting to look pregnant and not just fat, and I'm feeling less nauseous every day (finally).  The best part was, that she gave us a pre-Christmas glimpse of our little baby to releave some of the stress of the week previous and to see if we could get a good glimpse of the baby's bits.  And after a little while of squirming, the baby cooperated!
Onesie from Uh Oh Mama on Etsy
We're having a boy!! 

It's amazing how much bigger the baby gets every time. We kept seeing him cross and uncross his little legs and feet, move his arms, his cute little buns, see his developing facial features, and we got a few good looks at his "parts".  We get our official sonogram on our next appointment at 20 weeks (and double check the sex, so surprises please!) and I'll have the echo done sometime near then too to see if he's got his Daddy's heart condition (fingers crossed).  We are so excited that he's doing well and thriving despite my lack of any weight gain and all the stress of the past months.  He's just a super resilient kiddo already! We love you little man!!!

Sunday, December 26, 2010

Nesting?

Coach left early this morning to drive to Houston (4 hours!) to pick up a lot of our heirloom items from my mothers house after a mood killing debacle last night with my grandmother.  He'll be back in a few hours, but after a long sleep with my awesome new pregnancy body pillow (how did I go without this thing for so long?) I cleaned up much of the chaos from Christmas (dishes! laundry! and paper, oh my!), then went out to Ross and Target.  

Coach got us new sheets for our bed (having only one set is really annoying), but I... uh... wasn't a fan of the colors.  So I returned those at Ross and got some cute ones.  Then went over to Target where I snatched some great little storage boxes to organize some of his crap video game paraphernalia.  He now has a box with just the items for each game system (he has them all, from original Nintendo to PS2, including the SEGA's).  I've been wanting to get the whole TV system he had rigged up in the baby's room into our study for some time now, and so I moved everything but the TV (too heavy).  I slid my desk over, plopped my sewing machine on it after I did a huge clean through of my desk, and now I don't have to figure out where I'm going to sew something when I need to use it quickly, or when I've got a big project going I haven't just destroyed the kitchen table with sewing crap scraps.  

Right now, it's still a bit of a mess but once Coach gets home and has some time tomorrow to get the TV stand and TV in here, it'll look really good. Plus then we can get rid of the 13' TV we've had in here that you can't see anything on and replace it with the 32' one he has for the games.  An added bonus: one less thing to clean out of the baby's room whenever we start to order our furniture.

Now if only he would put his Calculus books back on the shelf and not have them all over the floor every day I'd really be happy.... one step at a time.

Sunday, December 19, 2010

E.E. Cummings

i carry your heart with me

i carry your heart with me (i carry it in
my heart) i am never without it (anywhere
i go you go, my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing, my darling)
                                  i fear
no fate (for you are my fate, my sweet) i want
no world (for beautiful you are my world, my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart (i carry it in my heart)


Colleen

Sent from my iPhone

Saturday, December 18, 2010

In Memory


Reverend Janet Green Gilmore Jarynowski

June 20, 1956 - December 18, 2010

I carry your heart in my heart. Find peace in the arms of who came before. We love you; thank you for being our mom and showing us how to be full of grace and love. You are beauty.

Friday, December 17, 2010

Update on My Mom

She's been going down hill the past few days as expected. she's been having really bad anxiety every time she wakes up but she won't take the medicine they've prescribed too help that.  Although she shouldn't have any liquids, she wants to drink water and ICEE's because they help her throat from her NG-tube.  So she drinks them and we suck them right back up with the suction machine and it is giving her a sense of control and normalcy about the whole thing.  We are now with her at all times because she wakes up in a panic and needs help, or she wants to say something to us.  It's very quiet in the house and although we are all ready for her to go peacefully today it has become very real that she will leave us soon.  Her tone of voice has changed and she wants to hold our hands all the time.  She gets most anxious at night, but she's calmed a bit today with her friend Carissa who seems to be the only one who can calm her down after she gets worked up.

It's horrible to say but I hope we'll be home for Christmas; some normalcy would be nice after all this.  She's so tiny and weak, such a fraction of the woman who raised us.  This is the worst way to die and I don't wish it on anyone.  There is something to say about sudden, unexpected death that eliminates the suffering of the dying.  But we are all here and she finds a lot of comfort in that.  I'm just ready for her to walk out of this body that has nothing left to give her, and walk into the arms of the Lord.  She's going to find such peace and love there. 

Cailtin has a feeling she'll go tomorrow as it would be an ironic symmetry to the whole thing, it would have been my fathers 55th birthday.  Thank you for all your prayers, messages, and kind thoughts. It's getting so close.  It's kind of all hitting us.  I cannot believe she'll be gone soon. 

Monday, December 13, 2010

Anniversary Gifts

So for our anniversary I purchased and made small gifts that would be for the both of us.  I got a canvas print made of one of my favorite photos from our wedding, got a pring from YHL that said "I love you more" (which is an inside joke), and I photoshopped us a calendar to have in the kitchen.  They had a great free pdf download at YHL and it worked out wonderfully. Although there were a few months I had to really think about.  Here's a selection of my favorite ones:

And since your first anniversary is paper, they all worked out wonderfully. :)

Friday, December 10, 2010

Old Photos

Mom and I, I have no idea how old I am but look at those cheeks. Yipes.
 We're driving down tomorrow.  This is all so surreal.  I feel like I miss her already.  Watching her go through this is the worst thing anyone could go through.  I found these photos and started going through some more I had in a box.  she was such a great mom.  What high standards I have to live up to. 

My mom and dad, before they even dated (he was probably still dating her roommate). March 1977

hospice

my mom is going into hospice today/tonight. We'll be driving down soon to spend this time with her.  we have about a week, maybe 2 if she continues her IV nutrition.  It is customary to stop it when going into hospice to not prolong the pain and suffering and we hope she stops it so she can go peacefully.  It's all a bit surreal but she's been in a lot of pain for a long time and we just want her to go quickly so she can finally be at peace. 
 
please just pray for her, that she finds peace and has an easy passing.  Thanks for everything y'all.


Colleen
 

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Baby Diary, Week 13

Why HELLLOOOOOOOO Second Trimester!!!

I'm still tired, still feel sick sometimes, it's still hard to eat in the evenings, but overall I cannot believe this baby is still beating and growing and here!  What sweet relief!

Also, Saturday is our 1st anniversary and we're going to a wonderful restaurant and I'm very excited.  Also, Friday is my father in laws birthday and Sunday is Coach's.  What a busy but fun weekend!

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Pregnancy & Food

So far, I have had very few cravings.  I'm still working on gaining back the weight I lost during my first trimester.  It's slowly but surely.  I'm still not feeling great but I'm able to do better than before. Any progress is good progress.  It's supposed to be uphill from here, so I keep hoping for truth in that. I haven't had to take a zofran in almost 5 days so that's pretty sweet.  But the lack of posting comes from the lack of anything exciting, which is a result of the lack of energy.  I work, get home, and lay on the couch until my 8pm bedtime.  exciting.
 
On a semi-related note, I got a salad to go today at a local place.  the guy next to me ordered an egg salad sandwich and paid $7.  dude, do you know how overpriced that is?  Do you know it would have taken you a minute to make that at your house in the morning?  A dozen eggs costs like 97c, loaf of bread is $1.50, dude.  seriously! People blow my mind. 
 
But now I'm craving egg salad.  So since Coach has a parent-teacher thing tonight for all the kids parents who made his soccer teams this week, guess I'll be boiling some eggs and enjoying a good ol' egg salad sandwich.  color me excited.
 
I watched Twilight Eclipse last night (never saw it in the theatre and my bluray arrived) and enjoyed it.  Not as much as the Harry Potter films, but hey.  One of Coach's assistants loaned me a series of books that I can't remember the title to, so maybe I'll delve into those before watching Glee. Needless to say, haven't gotten my promised "2nd trimester energy boost" yet, but fingers are crossed.  Belly bump gets bigger every day.  Maternity pants are so comfortable.  They have it going ON.

Colleen
 

Thursday, December 2, 2010

Baby Diary, Week 12

Well we're here, the last week of my first trimester.  Little baby is doing well, this week baby's a little fatty and finally breaks the 1oz mark.  I go to the dr on the day my 15th week starts, so little baby should be quite larger than it's gummy bear sized last time.  Although I don't think we'll get a sono since we'll have a big one the next time to check for Coach's heart condition. 
 
I'm feeling better on the days I feel good, but just as crap on the bad days.  I'm hoping slowly but surely the bad days will stop or lessen.  I have so much to catch up on once I can function in the evenings.  For instance, the tree is still undecorated and needs, at the least, lights.  But I just haven't felt like it.  Tomorrow I've got Costco, Big Lots, a pedicure, and tree decorating on my list--here's hoping. 
 
Saturday my sister is having her Christmas party.  It includes lots of gingerbread house decorating, cider, eggnog, and holiday festivities.  I'm very excited. I just hope I can stay awake through it.  :) Coach thought he was getting a designated driver for 9 months but really he has to stay sober because I can't drive in the evenings or I fall asleep, it's that bad. My drive home in the afternoon is heavy eyelids and sometimes dangerous as I get close to home. sad, but true. 
 
Welcome to 13 weeks baby C, we love you so much!!!!  I am so freaking excited to see what you look like!  I even had a dream this week that you were a beautiful baby girl! You had blond (like your dad), curly (like your mom) hair, your daddy's blue eyes, and your momma's chin.  I woke up wishing I could meet you already.  Keep growing!!!


Colleen
 

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Responsibility

I am becoming increasingly irritated with people in general.  But mostly people who cannot take care of their own shit.  This happens both at work and in my personal life.  I just do NOT understand how hard it could be for a person to follow through on their word. If you can't do something, don't say you can.  It's not just our generation either, I work with so many people who cannot complete simple tasks.  SIMPLE.  An increasing number of things get dumped on me because they can't follow through, or I end up handling them because they don't know how to do it. If you cant do it, don't say you can! 
 
Which means I get the "control freak" persona assigned because rather than having to end up doing it in the end, I'd rather just ensure it gets done on time and correctly by doing it myself.  Because, in reality, it takes me less time to do it that way anyway.  I'm so tired of trying to explain how to do simple tasks to people who claim to be smarter than me or are higher ranked than me or people who bitch at me for taking over for their incompetence. 
 
On a semi-related note, I don't understand people who live paycheck to paycheck and then act panicked when something happens and then they have no money.  It's called a savings account, you are a grown-ass person and I'm not going to listen to your sob story.  All I hear is "because I over spend and made poor financial judgements and am now up shit creek I'm asking you to bail me out, since I know you don't do anything like that and are responsible.  Plus I can probably abuse your kindness".  Well guess what, the answer is NO.  I've got enough sob-story crap going on in my own life, don't dump your superficial lack of financial management on my lap.  You should have at least 3 times your monthly living expenses in savings, at least, so that when crap hits the fan you don't have to worry.  Stuff always happens at once people, when do you ever just have one inconvenient thing happen at a time!  Be responsible, take ownership for your actions (or, really, inaction), and don't complain to me when I won't hold your hand, pat your head, and wave my magic wand to make everything all better.
 
You are a grown - ass - person. Act like one.

Colleen