Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Well Fuck

My mom's cancer is back. She just had a clean scan a month ago.  Now she has tumors on her peritoneal cavity (stomach).  They drained 3L of fluid yesterday and will drain more friday.  She starts chemo PDQ, this time outpatient.  She's in a LOT of pain.  She sounded horrible when she just called me.  I don't think she has much time left from what she said.  The words "just enough to give me quality of life" were mentioned.

I might be posting, I might not.  I feel like I have so much to say and so little.  I was in the middle of a post about car seat safety and now it's so fucking dumb, not dumb but irrelevant now. 

My stepdad is looking up experimental surgery's.  MD Anderson is the best cancer hospital in the world and is right next to where she's had all her treatments; they were wonderful with Preston. I want her to go there, where she can get whatever she needs. 

She talked about coming up here, but how can she when she's in so much pain?  She just had her 1st wedding anniversary.  Through all this she's never been out of the hospital more than 2-3 weeks. 

We're going to lose our mom.  It feels like soon.  How do I fucking deal with that?  We'll be orphans.  She will only be 54.  My dad was 39.  Why so young?
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