Sunday, February 7, 2010

Recap: Rehersal Dinner

Angry Rage Part 2...

So I took Thursday and Friday off, but I probably should have taken Wednesday too. Thursday I don’t even remember what I did. And ironically I was just trying to think of it, then I remembered “wait, the wedding was Friday…. You dumba$$!” So Thursday I woke up early, went to the reception site with Kris to pick up wine for gifts, show her the place so she could set up Friday, then I had to go to world market to pick up some gifts for attendants. Then I went to get my nails done. Which took way too long. So they basically just slapped the polish on and I left the place.

I was alone, so I had to squirm into my spanx and dress with wet nails (and put on make-up, and straighten my hair), so basically I jacked them up in 5 seconds. This was not the better part of the day, I was so damn angry by the time I got to the house that this whole time I was just getting more worked up. Our rehearsal was at like 4 or something because they had Christmas stuff later that night, and of course I was running late, then hit traffic. So I was a good 30 minutes late. I was so rushed all day, frantic to get everything done. So I keep getting texts from my family who is there but I hadn’t heard from earlier in the day or week, my future-husband, and if someone had been around to run an errand I would have been on time. But I digress.

Oh and on the way, the keg company called saying that they didn’t have one of our kegs and haven’t had that type for 3 weeks. Why the hell didn’t you call me 3 weeks ago? So they wanted to replace our Shiner Black with Coors or some shit, um… no. So they couldn’t get Guinness either. Bunch of b.s. I was pissed.

So I get there, everyone is there waiting for me and I’m so angry at the whole situation. Like livid. I'm steaming over so much stuff. I'm still angry/hurt over the fact that my family is non existent during the day, my family was non existent through the entire "I’m getting married" experience, no one is helping, everyone is "too busy" or "oops I forgot", Coach was gone the whole day making arrangements so they could go to the gun range and couldn't even be bothered to run an errand for me, and all I could think of was I wish we'd just gone to Vegas or something because at least I wouldn't feel so abandoned and alone when people should care the most—and all I should be worrying about is marrying the man of my dreams. Then add the whole "bachelorette party" fiasco, being completely alone the night before my wedding, and generally feeling like with the exception of Tiffany and Mariam my friends are completely not present. I was so freaking upset you can't imagine. I just kept spiraling into this ginormous, rage-filled, pitty party. I really really realized how selfish the people around me are, how they don’t look beyond themselves and how much I needed to cut some serious dead weight from my friend list. And this is the state in which I arrived at the church.

Coach meets me in the parking lot and calms me down and I just keep trying to remind myself that I’m here to marry him. That my family didn’t care that I am singlehandedly doing everything, that I’m spending the night before my wedding alone, when usually people have tons of people asking if they can help, and I’m always the one who helps everyone and puts shit together for everyone else’s big days—I guess that doesn’t matter. I felt really really alone and most of it was still left over from my mom abandoning this whole process--not even abandoning, just not being involved at all. Jon made that comment when we were first dating, that I always make effort to make people have special days or events, but no one ever shows up or follows through when it comes to me or mine. (See post on my bachelorette party). He made the same comment all through the week prior to and during the wedding.

We go through the wedding rehearsal, my mom is pretty exhausted because of the cancer treatment she'd had that week, so she’s there but you can just tell she’s not feeling good. My sister is there and trying to calm me down but it's hard to do that when you're all jacked up.  So we get through it and go to the dinner location. It’s this awesome European restaurant that has awesome food and beer. My mother in law decorated it and it was stunning. Literally took my breath away. They’d cut corks and made them so that they held our engagement photos up, all round the tables; they had these candles in the top of wine bottles that looked like corks, all lit up; and it was so pretty. We had a great time. Despite my brother in law accidentally taking my car keys home, it ended up ok with Coach’s parents taking me to their house and I took Coach’s truck home (big old Chevy truck, BCBG gown, Badgley Mishka stilettos—welcome to Texas!).

So yeah. Didn’t start out well at all, and I was still upset during all of this but I drank a lot of Samuel Smiths Oatmeal Stout and felt better.  I know this all sounds like a pity party, but seriously this is the same stuff that always happens when I need people and it really hurts. I’m just glad I have Coach and he put up with me bawling every damn day for 2 weeks because of my family being unable to help and friends bailing on me.  Seriously cutting major ties to some people, what is the dang point if it's always one-sided.
Post a Comment