Thursday, February 25, 2010

It is Crawfish Season

via New Orleans Daily Photo


It is crawfish season. It is my favorite season. Only this year there is, supposedly, a shortage of crawfish because of the weird weather the south has had. This concerns me. I am hungry for crawfish.

Also, I will be doing this to my first, second, and nth born child:

Baby Crawfish, via sherischully on ivillage

I.am.hungry.

 As well as putting my little boys in one of these from UhOhMomma on Etsy

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

New Little Cousin

Baby Elliot - 5 days old

When you get photos like that, seriously can the Baby Fever Get worse?
My cousin Cecily had a baby on Feb 11th and he is so dang cute. The fact that she and her husband have remained the naturally cool and collected adult people despite a very active 2 year old, only makes them more admirable in my eyes. Zadie is adorable but also a handful, but both Ceciliy and Magnus have maanged to keep a relateively good handle on their ability to stay "grownups" while still having kids. I want to be her.
Photos of my Aunt, dad's sister, with Zadie.

The first family photo. aren't they cute!!

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Love for the Math Geek

I was just thinking about Coach and how cute he is and how sweet he is to me, so I got about on etsy because they always have cute ideas too for putting that into words. here's what I got:

because how cute would these be if they were framed in the baby's room.

Delightfully tacky Onesie from katyandzucchini

It also doesn't have to be complicated from Beck's Oranges

A great geeky card from monkeyminddesign09

dang it where was this card on Vday! ArteDeMichelle


And this one made me laugh out loud:

from Ley Low

House is STILL Unresolved



Omg. I just called USAA/GMAC mortgage and they still have no clue when I'll get our escrow/tax money. Tarrant County says the transfer back to them happened on the 15th of January. It is now 81 days since we closed on Bluff View. Eighty ONE DAYS!! It is also 39 days since GMAC has had the damn money floating in their accounts. Fuck beans people!

Because the super shady shitty deal was even more of hassle that it was to begin with, the stupid title company double paid our taxes because they didn't check with the mortgage company to see if they had. Which they had. So now I'm still awaiting my $3,034.48 worth of escrow money that should appear, ohh... by say... July? So we're still awaiting all that money to reimburse ourselves for our closing costs. Well thanks big GMAC mortgage for screwing over my finances for, now, almost 3 months. Must be nice to just cuddle with my money like that.

Ugh!! Oh.my.GOD!! Will this house shit never end!! We signed it over on December 4th people, december freaking fourth!

Thursday, February 18, 2010

Snow Photos

Olympics with my sister and brother in law.
the house. about 12-14" at this point.
when you have snow, and no ice, you cool your beer with what cha' got.
Georgia wasn't really having it.
Donnie thinks the snow was a snack.

donnie. yum yum.

Baby Fever - Sorry Boys

photo courtesy of baby colours

Coach and I had our house warming last weekend and it was a delight. However, it just seemed to keep enforcing my baby dreams. All of my friends from work have had (including one who was born yesterday) a baby in the past year or so, or will soon this year. It seems like most of the people we hang out with have kids. Coach jokes that when people ask if they mind if they bring their kid along, that if they didn't I wouldn't come. Which might be based in a little truth. :)

But basically, as of this month we've got everything paid off. Our housing situation has finally settled down, there's nothing immediately wrong with the new house that requires our attention--or that we can foresee in the near future--and things are generally good. Now, I really want hardwoods in the main areas (upwards of a $10,000 cost for the kind I want, but whatever. this is our forever home), we need tile in the bathrooms (carpet? seriously? this house was built in 1999!!), and now we seem to need to take care of a minor drainage issue in our backyard (post snow melting last week) and Coach also wants to add a pouring of concrete to finish out a patio area (he "tells" me that it's so we can put my future outdoor table and fire pit, I know it's so he can grill in comfort. but I digress). But these are all vanity things, well except for drainage, but it's not like we HAVE to do these things. Our carpet is fine and relatively new, the bathrooms are in good condition it's just annoying, and without the poured concrete we.will.survive. So why are we waiting?

Because I feel it's irresponsible of us to try and get pregnant right now. Partially because I really want those hardwoods, partially because I hate my job and the hours I work and I'm still not sure how that'll work with a baby and Coach's hours, partially because I just now got back to working on my PhD, and partially because we haven't been together a year now. So long ago when I was planning my life I'd always believed I'd wait like 3 years to have a kid after marriage. Guaranteed I always thought I'd be married by 23-24ish, I'd still be finishing my PhD now and not working full time, and I wouldn't be owning my own home by now. I figured 28 would be good. Now, if I wait to December to get this IUD removed I will consider that a success.

When I hold my friend babies I hurt for a child with Coach. I look at him and how he is around kids and my uterus aches. When people ask us when we're getting pregnant I smile and say in a while, but my ovaries throb. It doesn't help that the week after the wedding I found out I have fibroids and cysts and we may have trouble getting pregnant. And that after 3 years of no pain, no period, not a blip from my IUD--I'm now in constant and intense pain from the fibrosis and I'm spotting (which is beyond annoying, let me tell you). And somehow it feels like my body is trying its hardest to remind me that this is the only thing in my life I've ever wanted to be and that Coach wants it that much too. His response to this is always it's my body and my call, but that there's never a good time to get pregnant, but we'll make it work with whatever we've got. Both supportive and ambiguous at the same time.

I want to be a mom so much. I cry about it. How sad is that? It also doesn't help that I have baby dreams all the time, and they're so good it's depressing to wake up from them. And Coach always jokes when I say something about how we're genetically screwing our kids, he brings up babies as much as I do, and whenever I eat more than usual he rubs my belly and asks me how he's doing (well he uses the name we've already picked out for a boy) and if that's what ------ wants. How much of this is my baby fever or his? sheesh.

So I don't know. I keep telling myself to wait until December. And I probably will because it'll be here before I know it. But it's all so warm to think of, knowing that we've made a life together. That we get to hold him/her. That I get to see Coach's face in the delivery room when they hand him our first, second, .... baby. That's the thing I think of the most, the look on his face when he meets his first child. I want to see that more than anything.

Thursday, February 11, 2010

So funny


mostly because you see people like this all the time. From the lovely kristy, via The Lady Likes

Final Wedding Notes

So I'm done with recaps and I do feel better. I know it might seem childish but I don't care. HA!

Things I learned:
  • If you helped someone with their wedding, don't assume they'll help with yours. It’s some sick rule.
  • If you did someone’s bachelorette party, and they say they’ll do yours, either hound them or don’t expect it to happen—and even if you ask repeatedly, you’ll end up doing it yourself. Don’t let yourself be disappointed, but you will be (probably).
  • Basically, just take more time off than you’d planned. If they do, by some miracle, show up and help—then you’ve got extra time to breathe. But don’t plan for it.
  • Make sure you have at least an hour and a half at the ceremony location before the wedding. Your photographer can eat up half that time just with your dress, then you have to get into it, give presents, take more photos, and you want time to just SIT and BREATHE before you walk. You don’t want to go “wait, what?” when they say “ok it’s time”. It’ll already be a whirlwind.
  • Ask the grooms family if there are any “surprise” things you should know they do for each family. Do your best to make it not happen or just not look pissed when it does—the latter option is probably the only realistic one.
  • Your new mantra: It is what it is. Rinse, repeat.
  • If your mom or dad has cancer or any illness, you have to force them to not over exert themselves. Because then it’s no fun for anyone if you’re worrying about them.
  • Pack Gatorade and snacks in your overnight bag, you’ll need the salt.
  • Take ibuprofen all day of the wedding. Lots of it.

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Recap: Wedding

Friday I woke up and made cinnamon rolls (I think? Yes, this sounds familiar). Kris got to the house early and I loaded her 4runner up with all the centerpieces and reception stuff. Off she went. Huge help! Then I ate and Alexis woke up, my sister appeared, and we went to get our hair done. My mom met us there and it didn’t really take us that long. We picked up food (which was pointless since everyone was … well… not at my house), made a stop to find a scarf for mom to wear at the wedding, and got our nails done. We blasted out of the nail salon and mom went back to the hotel to change, Caitlin and I went to the house and slapped our makeup on in record freaking time. We piled stuff in the car and got out of the house.

We hit traffic. Major traffic. Of freaking course. So we rocked out to Ace of Base and had fun. But we got to the ceremony and things were going to be fine, except that the photographer wanted photos of my dress and took like 30 minutes! So I was rushed getting into my dress and it was kinda frustrating. Then I got in the dress (yay Tiffany!) and gave my mom her gift (card written by Coach, she bawled) and my sister hers. Opened the awesome charm bracelet Coach got me (it has a bride & groom charm, house charm, and OkState charm). My mom said an awesome prayer (I hope they got a photo of that), and we went into the small chapel and took some photos—just us Gilmore Girls. But during all this I felt incredibly rushed and flustered. I wish I could have had enough time to just sit down for like 10 minutes because we had everything done.















Ah well. Ceremony, vows, etc.


We went to the reception and the whole drive there I couldn’t believe it and we were just all smiles. Really only a few snafu’s at the reception: the wine glasses I had made for specific people were lost until the very end, I forgot to put the memory card in the funny mustache camera, and Coach’s family put a huge bowling ball w/commercial grade chain on his ankle and cut the lock key. Right after our first dance. I.was.l.i.v.i.d. They took it off but then put it back on before we left. So we had to drive down to his parents house 30 miles away, get it off, then drive 40 miles to the hotel. It ruined the end of the night, I will not lie. I was so pissed.

I also don’t know whether or not I was dehydrated, but I felt sick that night and there wasn’t enough salt in my body to retain water. I felt hung-over except I hadn’t had but a 1/4th a glass of wine. So I should have just eaten more at dinner I guess, but I think it was just being everywhere. It was fun dancing with everyone.

My mom got super sick during the reception and so we barely got any photos, so hopefully the ones they got were good. It was hard for her and she kept getting ill and couldn’t do much and I felt bad with her there so late and feeling awful. I know she was feeling awful all weekend. She almost collapsed and had to lay down for most of the reception, and then they left early. Which meant of course I was worried about her the whole time and I don’t remember about an hour of the entire night. But I guess that’s how it goes. At least she was there.

Surgery Update


Just talked to my mom. She's been sitting up in a chair since about 10am. She's in quite a bit of pain but they said today will be the worst. They tried getting her to walk around but it hurt too much, so they'll try again later or tomorrow it sounds like. They did take her lymph nodes, her stomach, her gall bladder, and then connected the esophagus and her intestine to make her new "stomach". She is only eating ice chips now, but in the next 2 days they'll try her liquid food through her catheter then they'll move onto real food. She has to be able to eat before they release her from the hospital. But they have to wait a little while for her to eat since they connected two different types of tissues and they have to adjust to the initial shock of surgery.

She said she had a bath this morning and was feeling a lot better after that and just being up is hard, she falls asleep a lot (probably from all the pain meds), but that she's totally ready to get through this and get better. She sounded exhausted and hurting, but still in good spirits.

Just wanted to let you know.

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

My Mom


Not to interrupt my wedding pessimism, but my mom is having her surgery today. She has her whole stomach and some lymph nodes removed. She went in this morning and was scheduled at 7 but got delayed, so I think she just went into surgery a little while ago. They take part of her upper intestine and connect it with her esophagus and create a pouch. She will never be able to eat a huge meal again, but she will will be able to eat and won't have a feeding tube or anything. 6 small meals a day is what the Dr says.

I'm at work, and I wish I was there. I didn't feel comfortable going down there since I'm still sick and I don't want to risk it. I'm at work and I can tell you right now that I'm not going to be very productive and I'm exhausted because I didn't sleep well last night and I just had a crap night last night for so many reasons. So needless to say, not too much actual work is going to get done today. I wish I was just at home.

I know I should be worried but this is huge. I mean her WHOLE stomach. I wish I was there.

Sunday, February 7, 2010

Recap: Rehersal Dinner

Angry Rage Part 2...

So I took Thursday and Friday off, but I probably should have taken Wednesday too. Thursday I don’t even remember what I did. And ironically I was just trying to think of it, then I remembered “wait, the wedding was Friday…. You dumba$$!” So Thursday I woke up early, went to the reception site with Kris to pick up wine for gifts, show her the place so she could set up Friday, then I had to go to world market to pick up some gifts for attendants. Then I went to get my nails done. Which took way too long. So they basically just slapped the polish on and I left the place.

I was alone, so I had to squirm into my spanx and dress with wet nails (and put on make-up, and straighten my hair), so basically I jacked them up in 5 seconds. This was not the better part of the day, I was so damn angry by the time I got to the house that this whole time I was just getting more worked up. Our rehearsal was at like 4 or something because they had Christmas stuff later that night, and of course I was running late, then hit traffic. So I was a good 30 minutes late. I was so rushed all day, frantic to get everything done. So I keep getting texts from my family who is there but I hadn’t heard from earlier in the day or week, my future-husband, and if someone had been around to run an errand I would have been on time. But I digress.

Oh and on the way, the keg company called saying that they didn’t have one of our kegs and haven’t had that type for 3 weeks. Why the hell didn’t you call me 3 weeks ago? So they wanted to replace our Shiner Black with Coors or some shit, um… no. So they couldn’t get Guinness either. Bunch of b.s. I was pissed.

So I get there, everyone is there waiting for me and I’m so angry at the whole situation. Like livid. I'm steaming over so much stuff. I'm still angry/hurt over the fact that my family is non existent during the day, my family was non existent through the entire "I’m getting married" experience, no one is helping, everyone is "too busy" or "oops I forgot", Coach was gone the whole day making arrangements so they could go to the gun range and couldn't even be bothered to run an errand for me, and all I could think of was I wish we'd just gone to Vegas or something because at least I wouldn't feel so abandoned and alone when people should care the most—and all I should be worrying about is marrying the man of my dreams. Then add the whole "bachelorette party" fiasco, being completely alone the night before my wedding, and generally feeling like with the exception of Tiffany and Mariam my friends are completely not present. I was so freaking upset you can't imagine. I just kept spiraling into this ginormous, rage-filled, pitty party. I really really realized how selfish the people around me are, how they don’t look beyond themselves and how much I needed to cut some serious dead weight from my friend list. And this is the state in which I arrived at the church.

Coach meets me in the parking lot and calms me down and I just keep trying to remind myself that I’m here to marry him. That my family didn’t care that I am singlehandedly doing everything, that I’m spending the night before my wedding alone, when usually people have tons of people asking if they can help, and I’m always the one who helps everyone and puts shit together for everyone else’s big days—I guess that doesn’t matter. I felt really really alone and most of it was still left over from my mom abandoning this whole process--not even abandoning, just not being involved at all. Jon made that comment when we were first dating, that I always make effort to make people have special days or events, but no one ever shows up or follows through when it comes to me or mine. (See post on my bachelorette party). He made the same comment all through the week prior to and during the wedding.

We go through the wedding rehearsal, my mom is pretty exhausted because of the cancer treatment she'd had that week, so she’s there but you can just tell she’s not feeling good. My sister is there and trying to calm me down but it's hard to do that when you're all jacked up.  So we get through it and go to the dinner location. It’s this awesome European restaurant that has awesome food and beer. My mother in law decorated it and it was stunning. Literally took my breath away. They’d cut corks and made them so that they held our engagement photos up, all round the tables; they had these candles in the top of wine bottles that looked like corks, all lit up; and it was so pretty. We had a great time. Despite my brother in law accidentally taking my car keys home, it ended up ok with Coach’s parents taking me to their house and I took Coach’s truck home (big old Chevy truck, BCBG gown, Badgley Mishka stilettos—welcome to Texas!).

So yeah. Didn’t start out well at all, and I was still upset during all of this but I drank a lot of Samuel Smiths Oatmeal Stout and felt better.  I know this all sounds like a pity party, but seriously this is the same stuff that always happens when I need people and it really hurts. I’m just glad I have Coach and he put up with me bawling every damn day for 2 weeks because of my family being unable to help and friends bailing on me.  Seriously cutting major ties to some people, what is the dang point if it's always one-sided.

Saturday, February 6, 2010

Recap: Pre-Event Fiasco's

Bachelorette party

Kristine and my sister originally said they were going to plan a bachelorette party. Well I started to worry when 3 weeks before the wedding I had friends asking me if I'm even having a bachelorette party since they hadn't heard anything. So I call all Kris, nada. 2 weeks before the wedding and they all say they're busy, they forgot, they don't have time, it fell through the cracks, they haven't planned or thought of anything. So on wednesday, I tell everyone we're going to dinner. We went to dinner at Glorias and everyone except for Mariam and Kristy left right after dinner and didn't stay for salsa music and dancing, and we left at midnight.

While Coach's entire family showed up at the house they were at for his, had a Jack Daniels bottle ice sculpture for him, booze, bbq, music, etc. That's what its supposed to be, not me organizing a dinner that could have happened any night of any flippin' week.

I was so upset and I just kept remembering all the bachelorette and birthday and showers and other parties I've organized for people, and how when it comes to my turn they can't be bothered. I'm busy too, but when I say I'm going to do something I do it. Or if I find out someone has shitty friends and their stuff has fallen through the gaps, I organize something. Which is what Tiffany did and why I love her.

Originally she and I were going to go out friday and just bitch, but then it was going to work better to do it Saturday because she lives like an hour away. So we decide on a restaurant and eventually decided to have our hubby's come because they're both home. So Coach and I drive there, and when we arrive she has organized like 3 couple friends of ours to show up for us. I was so touched and I couldn't believe it, and it was such a fun evening--and it wasn't even about the wedding, it was just so nice that everyone was there and that she'd organized it. It meant so much to me and I don't know what I would have done without her to bitch to during the whole process. Especially when she showed up the evening of the wedding and helped me into my dress, it was so wonderful having her there. Awesome friend. :)

Spending the night alone

So as I briefly mentioned (or will mention in future recaps), the week of the wedding I spoke with my mom and found out she had booked a hotel room and wouldn’t be staying at my house as she had told me for weeks up to the wedding. Apparently if you have cancer you can’t be around other people’s pets, your immune system can't handle it. But you also can't make a phonecall to your daughter and tell them that either, so when they're excited you're coming and you'll be at the house to be their mother and find out you wont be--let me tell you how HUGE a letdown that was. Caitlin had already told me that she would be only showing up for the rehearsal stuff, then would show up at about 11 the day-of so we can go get our hair done. But she couldn't spend the night because of school and classes.

Despite my best attempts I am so freaking upset and I am just trying not to start hysterically crying on the phone. My mom then starts saying "how she'll figure something out", she'll call my aunt (who is nice but not a solution) or someone else who might be in town to stay with me. Yeah because that's the kind of company I want the night before my wedding. And all I wanted was my mom and my sister and they both wont be there, I don't want some pitty relative there. Are you kidding me? I just keep repeating my mantra of "it is what it is" over and over until I calm down enough, and I tell her to not do anything (I practically yell at her to not do anything because she's coming up with random relatives who can show up--it's not even the alone part, it's the abandonment by my own blood that is the driving force behind why I'm so upset the entire weekend. It's not that someone is there, it's that I want my family).

And I can't say anything about how hurt I am because she has cancer. Like it's some horrible thing if I'm selfish for this one day. Because if I say it, it makes me a bad person and a bad daughter. How can you say that even though you have cancer, you should still be there and you've broken my heart? you cant, and I know even saying it and typing it is sending a little bit of my soul to hell but I'm sorry. this whole blog is so that I can tell it how I see it, and that's how I still see it.

I hang up with her and I just let loose. I am gasping for air and just dying inside. I feel so fucking alone that it physically hurts. Coach finds me in the study just crumpled and holds me for what seems like hours and I just remember clinging to him for dear life. He is my life and the only thing that got me to stop crying was that he is now my family. Just him. And that when we have a beautiful family of our own, it'll still just be him. And that he'll never abandon me, never.

Of course I talked to Tiffany not long after and she couldn't because it was a thursday and I think it kinda killed her, but she is really the only one with a excuse. Kris said she could come over, but then her daughter was having a bad day and she couldn't--so after the rehersal drama day I got home and just fell back into feeling irritated how everything was not what I wanted it to be and I just felt totally abandoned (again) by the people who should have been there. Pitty party at my house.

Luckily Coach’s cousin Alexis, who is a freshman at Oklahoma University and is a sweet heart and I love her, called me like 5 seconds after I had sat down in the kitchen in my sweat pants (after the rehersal dinner). She called to ask if I wouldn’t mind if she stayed at my house, because her great aunt and uncle were in her room, and she didn’t want to sleep on the couch. She came over and we talked and watched a funny movie, and passed out. Love that girl. A little savior for my mental status.

I know I sound whiny and like a little pitty party but just typing it out is helping me try to still get over how much it still hurts.

Note: I wrote this a month after the wedding and didn't publish it until a lot later.  I'd forgotten some of it but I had to publish it because it kept reminding me how good a friend Tiffany is and just how much Coach put up with that year with everything and my mom.  Marriage rocks.

Friday, February 5, 2010

Recaps


Ok so starting today I'm going to be doing wedding recaps. Mostly of stuff that went wrong. But don't be fooled. I had a lot of fun once I was there. But there was a lot of stuff that really upset me and I was pretty miserable the week before because of all the things that happened. So since this is my blog and I can post what I want , I'm going to. :)

And I don't give a doo-doo if you think I'm a bad person for saying all the crapy things I'm about to say, but if you do think I'm a selfish git even for typing it--GET OFF MY BLOG. And read this post and this post after you go. Remind you why I'm here at all. Then go remove that coal from your ass, I'm sure it's a diamond now anyway. :)


Funny Blog

So one of my favorite authors, Max Barry, has a pretty funny website. He blogs and I get them emailed to me, and it's not all the time (every few weeks) and they're always humerous. The one I got today was pretty darn funny, so go check him out and try his books. They're awesome (love jennifer government and company). This one is both hilarious and points out a good point.

My Kid Says the Darndest Things
I have a little parenting problem. I need some advice. The other day I was out walking with Finlay (four years old; I know, I can’t believe it either) and an elderly woman stopped to coo over her. This woman was clearly someone’s grandmother. She was matronly. I’m thinking of the word “battleship.” You know what I’m getting at.

“So cute,” said the grandmother. I said thanks and Fin said nothing and the woman began to move away. Then Fin said, “She’s got big boobs.”

Into my stunned silence, Fin added, “Really big boobs.”

A few days later, out with her mother, Fin remarked about a passer-by: “She has large upper arms.” Before that, on a train: “Look at that little person.”

We’ve tried to raise her to believe there’s nothing wrong with people who look different. That differences are interesting but not shameful. That seems to be working. It’s working a little too well. What do I do now?

I don’t want to tell her that some people are embarrassed about how they look. That starts with “are” and ends with “should be.” I can see a case for not commenting on people’s weight, because being very over- or under-weight is unhealthy, and we’ve talked about health and eating balanced meals. But I know she’s going to spend her life drowning in messages about body size, and she doesn’t need that yet. Also, it only deals with the “large upper arms” comments, not the “Look at that little person” ones.

My feeling is that while there is nothing wrong with being a three-foot-tall grownup, and it is interesting, they probably don’t want to be singled out for it all the time. But maybe this is my hangup. I wouldn’t be offended if a four-year-old pointed at me and said, “That man has no hair,” but if his mother acted embarrassed and tried to shush him, I would. Because she would be making it into a bad thing. Maybe it’s the same with everything.

But that leaves me, what? Smiling at amputees after my kid points out they have no legs? Saying, “Yes, you’re right,” when she remarks on the size of an obese man’s buttocks? This is a minefield. What do I do? Max Barry

Monday, February 1, 2010

Photos From the Big D Climb

So the climb was a lot harder than originally planned. Also didn't help that I wheezed my way up the entire 52 flights. Even with stopping I still made it in 21 minutes (21:38 to be exact). The fastest time was set pretty early on by some crazy person who did it in 6:20. That's freaking insane.

But to top it off, Preston himself came out and that totally made it even more awesome! He looked great and we all went out to eat afterwards. It was a great day. I'm so proud of all of us for finishing and raising money for Lymphoma!!

Next year I'm making Coach go and I will not be sick. It was awesome seeing all the teams. And I made (slightly ghetto) shirts for Tiffany and I. Next year I'll plan ahead and have some made.





You can still donate here until the 15th!