Friday, July 17, 2009


A friend of mine asked on her blog if we believed in soulmates. I loved this answer from B, so I'm posting it. Love you.

I remember in high school my mom saying that she didn't believe there was 'one person' meant for you and that there were really other people out there you could fall in love with and make it work with... and I was like "what?!?! why!?!?" B/c at that age I was clinging on to that "one person" that's right for me. I probably believed in soulmates then.

I don't believe in soulmates now. I think that there are probably other people out there that I could've fallen in love with and could've made it work with... but I think God did lead me to D* and did prepare us for each other, etc. I think God had a plan for us and I think that we were sensitive enough to feel His nudges and neither of us felt He was pushing us away from each other, etc etc... In fact, I prayed that if D* wasn't right for me, that He would close that door completely, leaving no room for mistake. I think "soulmate" is what you get when you take "God's plan" out of it... and maybe what you get when you want a reason to leave your current spouse for someone else.

I fell in love with D* and then made a choice and commitment to love him. Sometimes, I'm still falling in love with him. Other times, I'm CHOOSING to love him. =) D*'s dad told him that the passion in marriage waxes and wanes but that you have to have respect for each other to make it work. I would like to add commitment. "...respect and commitment to make it work." My dad truly believes they really should call marriage "compromise." So maybe we should say "... respect and commitment and compromise..." My point being, I don't think there's ANYone out there that ANY of us could POSSIBLY meet where things would just come together and we wouldn't have to work (and I mean WORK) at a marriage with. We are imperfect people... which means marriage is work and love is a choice. But it's beautiful.

To be completely honest, our first year of marriage was hard... maybe not a "struggle"... but close. It's so much better now. We work together much better now. We get each other better now. We can anticipate better. We appreciate each other better. We respect better. We love better. We put each other first better. We fight better. We know each other's boundaries better. When things aren't easy, when the "love" wanes, I don't think, "What about me?" or "Maybe we shouldn't have done this... maybe we were too young..." I think "Wow, we really need more of each other/God right now.. or maybe less of each other." I love D* so much more now than I did two years ago. That love was exciting and anticipating and new. This love is deeper and comforting and real. (I'm not sure how it feels "real" but it does!) It's more... raw. It's on a completely different level.

I think, at first, love is blind. You wouldn't ever fall in love with someone if it weren't. If you were introduced to all their flaws, the REAL person... you wouldn't fall in love.

I think there is someone you're "meant to be with" according to God's plan. But I don't think any part of finding them or being with them or making it work with them is any easier just b/c of that. I think you'll feel that it's right, that it's God's will, that you have His blessing, and that you won't feel that tugging that "this isn't right" when it IS God's person for you. But I think you'll still have to be brave and put yourself out there to find them (I did, I was totally out of my comfort zone letting D* know I was interested) and that you'll still be hurt from time to time (I am) but that you'll find a love that's beautiful and grows you to become more Christ-like. B/c after all, that is God's entire intention for marriage.
Post a Comment