Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Funniest Email Exchange EVER--New Boy

From: J.C.
Date: Mon, Mar 9, 2009 at 5:12 PM
Subject: RE: What DID 3 say to 5?

Dang little lady you are putting my reading to the test. I haven’t read this much since bible camp and that was so last Thursday. I am finding out that I am getting better at bible camp each year. Then again I get older the kids in the class stay the same age 7-8. Top of my class last Thursday! Hoo-raah.

The list of beers you have listed are just the bestestest. Have you tried Celebratior [spell check that word]. There is a place down here in DWG - dalworthing gardens, that has beer like you wouldn’t believe. Maybe I can sweat talk you or pay you of or do something to get you down here and try a beer or thirty. I will let you know, its some might fine stuff, such as ....... me :)

UT grade Hook'em!!! Teaching 4 yrs and I can retire in 2038 or sooner if I marry rich....so in other words I will be retiring in 2050. Need to pay for college and weddings. I HATE HATE HATE HATE football season!!!!!!! {high school football season, that is}. Love me some college ball. I try to make it to the best game of the year. UT vs. aTm. Took my cuz last year and praying I score tickets this year. I am a high school football coach and I don’t care too much for it. I like the games and all but the practices and time put in to it before the game and after the game is killer. That’s one reason why I joined eHarmony, so I can meet people instead of hanging out with the TV, who never shuts ups or listens. Favorite sport SOCCER, jugar futbol todos los diaz.

Oh yeam miss well-to-do with your iPhone and House and teaching. How may this old unworthy of a person fall into such a grace of angelic angle.....guess you have lack of options. Or on one of your clumsy days you hit your head a little to hard. Which I will never have to worry about because, I was able to keep my helmet with my name on in it that I had from elm - high school !!! Now I am safe forever.

Yeah I think I just typed past Moby dick's first chapter. Who cares it is just a white freaking whale!! Now my brave little toaster [great movie by the way]. If you shall dare [triple dog dare] my number is ---.---.---- txt or call when ever you may like. No rush, no pressure, no time limit.... well just one time limit, before I die. Last I know, talking with the big G, I have about 60+ more years left. Abraham will have nothing on me.


Justing checking to see if you made it this far down for the math joke answer. What 3 said to 5 was - "We are some 'PRIME ODDs'"

From: C
Mon, Mar 9, 2009 at 1:17 PM
subject: What DID 3 say to 5?

Guinness is good. I love Samuel Smith's oatmeal stout. Shiner Dark is pretty dang good, and I love my comfort beer: Abita Turbodog. It's a Louisiana beer, and I love it. My fathers side of the family is all from New Orleans so I consider there as much home as Texas. I'll give you props for the jack Daniels straight. My eyes would roll back into my head and I'd fall off my stool. Although I tend to fall down without the alcohol. I'm a huge clutz. Padded rooms just sound like a smart investment when you look at all the scrapes and bruises on my legs. haha. Although I do like bourbon a lot. I drink more of it during the winter months than any other time, eggnog with bourbon, warm adult beverages, but mostly bourbon with a side of eggnog. so delish! roasting marshmallows in my fireplace...

You want to talk about writing a lot in a message? sheesh child! Yours was just as long! haha. But nice soliloquy. very flattering, or that's how I'll take it at least. All the long winded, rambling response will come in handy during my dissertation (or so I hope...).

You're a UT grad? Oh dear. I'm a USC grad (masters degree). And football is sacred in my house, like for real. I've already got my away-game planned out for the fall, I'm makin' it out to the USC/Cal game to watch some good pigskin woopass. Gosh I miss football season... is it September yet? Hopefully you like football, if not we'll already have a problem. It's pretty much all I do on the weekends during the fall. And then the spring things get busy with work and I wish for all the beer and hilarity that comes with angry football shenanigans and poor punt returns *sigh*.

I just about lost it with the straight-jacket comment. You are killing me. And I do like meeting people too, I'm all about chemistry with a person--friends or otherwise. As far as the math jokes, I hope I can keep up. It may be a challenge. But I'll try. :)

Work is insane and I've just finished culling through my 50 weekend emails. I swear. Now onto my other crap. Hopefully your students are keeping you in line, oh wait... reverse that. How long have you been teaching? I'm guessing you really like it. That's good. I hope to get back into teaching college one of these days, it's too much fun. Doesn't feel like work. anyway my lunch is over and I’ve got to answer some more emails and write some stupid grant proposal. exciting life I lead. :)

Sender: J.C.
Subject: what did 3 say to 5?
Date: 03/08/2009 08:06PM PDT

Message: I like the dark stuff as well. Good old fashion Guinness between us is the way it needs to be from here to eternity. Also like some Jack Daniel's as well. Just on the rocks, don’t want coke or whatever getting in the way of it and cutting it up. Just on the rocks or on a cold night just in a glass. Malibu is good, have it with oj yet? Nice novel of a story let loose by your fingers brought to them by your brain. I thought I typed a lot, I bow my head humbly to you my lady of Watauga.

I have been to a few of those place you have been. Austin three years for school at the best school in Texas. Houston did three years at teaching at a school in Stafford. Now I am back here, where my heart is [home] born raised here. All family lives here except one part of my mom's aunt, who lives in El Paso. Everyone else live aqui.

N0 crazy ex's. I am just crazy. Have a jacket that lets me hug myself all day long, and a room where you can run into the walls and bounce off b/c they are made out of memory foam beds. I am willing to meet someone anytime any place. I get a better feel of what’s going on when meeting them. Being a coach and teacher I learn a lot just being around someone and watching them. Not watching them like from a parked car at midnight in front of their yard with binoculars, I stopped that after my third restraining order [JK!!!!!]

I have tons of math jokes.... I just hold back until you get to know me better so I don’t send you running for the hills just yet. That will wait till I say hi and you say goodbye.

Yes! I cook you clean, you cook I clean. I was dry you hang and put away. I don’t mind doing outside work if I have SPF 1000000001. Its peaceful and no need for epi-pen or what so ever. My parents took us to a day care and mom was off during summer so she saw us grow and what not. I have no problem letting them go at a daycare. Its when they go to school you miss a lot...... JK!! You wont miss a thing. Though with my parents living so close to me and my mom being retired...FREE daycare!! If I ever get a litter of my own yet....[deal with it]

I will have fun at work you enjoy ironing, that’s why I get wrinkle free and If I need to iron something it must be a wedding or something like that.... Remember don’t make your own bubble's in your bath, they have stuff for bubbles in your bath.

If you are daring here is my e-mail ----------------------- if you are not daring here is my e-mail to nothingness ______@__

Enjoy your night and I will wait for your reply as I wait for spring break, by going to sleep early and just getting through my day.


Sender: C
Subject: RE: Stable House
: 03/08/2009 06:43PM PDT

Message: OK: I have one sister, she's at TCU and engaged to the most tolerant man on the planet. I love her, we're really close. My mom lives in Houston and my dad died on active duty in the Army when I was 10. Grew up in Austin after that, and still miss the kookie-ness. I have lived all over the world and almost taken over-seas postings, but chose to stay here. at least for a while. :) As far as meeting someone, it depends on how the conversation goes to meet someone, you? I have a crazy ex, that's a story for another time, but he's a jerk and I'm so unmistakably done with him it's not funny. I'm a beer gal, but drink Malibu and sprite (and LOVE margarita's) as well. But if it's beer I only drink dark stuff, if I can see through it--no thank you. Snobby, but what can I say. So that's the answers to your questions I believe.

You have any crazy ex's, or are you just crazy? haha. Family? Liquor? Time until you meet someone? Etc?

And it'd be a flat cost of a million dollars to paint your house. I am never painting again. I am so sore, exhausted, and fed-up with painting. and I still need to do a few walls in my bedroom. but no way. I'll wait a month. my back hurts. :( dang ceilings. haha. Yeah, I like the maintenance unless it's outside because I'm allergic (and I mean hives and epi-pen allergic) to everything outdoors. So like any good American, I pay someone to do it for me. But I do everything else. I even replace light fixtures fairly efficiently, as it turns out. go figure.

Nice Pi joke. Punny. Good job on that one. Kooky and goofy are good, nothing wrong with that.

I don't believe in traditional gender roles either. Well for the most part. I love cooking, but if I cook dishes are on you. That's just common sense. I know that when my kids are really young there is no way I will be ok with working, Id' cry every dang time I'd drop them at daycare. I know I'm just not strong enough to do that, I'd be too afraid to miss something. So I guess I do, in some way. Too much information right? deal with it.

Good luck with your work. I'm going to do some ironing (least favorite chore next to vacuuming) and take a bubble bath. exciting, I know. :) talk to ya later,


Sender: J.C.
Subject: Stable House
: 03/08/2009 06:21PM PDT

Message: House buying is fun and joyful. Now owning it and maintaing it was not part of the plan! I just wanted the house but do I have to mow, clean, wash, and be all grown up...... Yes I am a grown up but I do teach high school kids and I get a little coo-coo and goofy but all in all I am mature. Hell I have to be to buy a house, have a job, and take care of my stuff.

I know that I am not always right in the real world but in my classroom [jokingly] I am right a 110% of the time. Then again I am a math god in training. One day I will be up there in the math world until then I'll just wait and eat my pi bit by bit.

In a relationship I just would like open communication, listing ear and 50/50 all around. I don’t believe in traditional gender rolls. Watching my folks the would help each other with dishes, wash, cleaning and all bits. That is something to yearn for in a relationship. And like you mentioned, all this good times and bad times centered around God.

Anything else......? Humm.... Brothers, Sisters, Parents still together? Been in Texas all your life? How long till you meet someone in person? Crazy ex's to watch out for? Favorite beer to drink, or hard liquor like myself? What’s your last name? Have another picks of yourself? If any or al of these too personal of questions let me know. I don’t have any personal questions I don’t mind answering. Heck I answer about 3000 questions a day with the kids I teach.

How much do you charge to paint if I need my house painted?

Alright enjoy the novel of misspelled words, third grade grammar, and 5th grade logic. I shall return to my humble adoe to finish the work I have kept myself absenant from........sucks doing it all alone. Guess what doesn’t kill us only makes us stronger.


Sender: C
Subject: hi
: 03/08/2009 05:56PM PDT

Message: First, congrats on the house. I bought mine a year ago (hard to believe) and it never ends. I just put the finishing coats of paint on the entire main living part and re-doing the master bath, and on to the next project!

Second, Hi! And to answer your questions (what kid of person/relationship are you hunting for these days). I'm looking for stability. I'm tired of bouncing from one person to another, thinking that they'll be the mature, dependable, kind and caring man I want and need them to be. Someone who is a grownup, has their stuff together, accepts that they and I are not always going to be right (and is ok with the fact that perfection is just plain unrealistic), and can joke around a lot. And, like you, low-maintenance is a must. I'm too busy to cater to someone's every need, nor should anyone have to. The most important relationship yours have are with yourself and God, and He's sure not going to do your laundry for you so why should I. but I digress. :) Hopefully that didn't sound entirely insane. Personally, and I can say this because I am one, I think all women are a little coo-coo--so it's really just the magnitude you're willing to deal with. and while I have my moments, I have it on good authority that my level is fairly low. :)

anywhoooooo... you want to know anything else?

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