Monday, October 27, 2014

Mommy Diary Take Two: 10 Months

October 20, 2014

Dear Asher:

Leaps and bounds this month! Oh goodness. You recognize your name, you say Dadda, I swear you have said Momma, and you can holler for your brother and we know exactly what your intent is.  Your crawling is wicked fast and you can crawl over any obstacle.  You also pull up on everything and walk yourself around furniture, will push chairs around the house to walk, and love your (borrowed) walker.  You've started to trim out a little and are starting to look a little like your brother at this age. You also love eating lots at meals now; you want exactly what everyone else is eating. You just are changing so fast!

Love,
Momma

Mommy Diary Take Two: 44 Weeks

October 24, 2014

Dear Asher-

You are hilarious this week. Your brother went down the street to play and you went hollering "laaaaaa" down the hall and stood up looking through the glass door hollering. Made us laugh.  You always seem kind of lonely when he is gone, you look for him in the car and then the moment we pick him up you're laughing. It's really fun to see. You also think it's funny when we touch forheads you giggle and lean in to do it over and over. You also are just obsessed with any toy that has removable parts (your hammer-pegs, particularly) and love taking them out and trying (so hard!) to put them back in.

Love, 
Momma

Wednesday, October 22, 2014

Loss

I'm sitting in the parking lot of chick-FIL-a with tears streaming down my face. A friend just lost her baby. It was early. But I am heavy in my soul for their loss. For the baby she will never hold. For all the babies who never got to enter this world to their loving parents. 

Time can make it easy to bear. But that loss in your soul, in your heart is always a little fractured. 

So send up some prayers or good thoughts today if you're so inclined for this sweet woman and her family. 

Sunday, October 19, 2014

Mommy Diary Take Two: 43 Weeks

October 17, 2014

Dear Asher:

You have not been your usual chill self this week; this wonder week has taken its toll on your sleep and mood for sure. You have to be carried or sit in someone's lap almost all day. But you are figuring toys out now suddenly. You are fascinated by a driving toy that has a key, you have been trying to get that key in the slot for days. You work so hard! You hate laying still to get your diaper changed which is fun, to say the least. You scream bloody murder when we have to pin you down to get the fresh one on. Child, it would be so much easier if you just laid still! But you're back to playing the second you can roll away. You're showing major signs of wanting to walk. You have even let go a few times a stood. Briefly, but still! So big. Making my heart break. 

Love, 
momma

Tuesday, October 14, 2014

Turning 30: A Whole New Decade People

So I turn 30 today. It's.... Boring. I'm kind of excited and relieved to be out of my 20's.  I feel like I crammed so much dang stuff into the past ten years it's unbelievable. So on to cramming a bunch more into the next 10! I love lists, so I thought I'd wrap up my 20's with a list of the 20 biggest events of that decade and follow it with 30 things I'm looking forward to in the next. Here goes:


  1. Graduating college early. On accident. 
  2. Graduating grad school at USC a semester early, on purpose, to get out of that crazy town.
  3. Ending of my first real relationship and learning sometimes people are weak and will never find strength.
  4. Ending of my second long-term relationship and accepting that people do not change.
  5. My first real job. Emergency Management Coordinator.
  6. Starting. Hating. Quitting. Then restarting my PhD. 
  7. Taking a chance on a "too short" for me guy, having the best first date ever, and almost instantly knowing he was it for me.
  8. Getting engaged 6 weeks later.
  9. Mom being diagnosed with stage 4 gastric cancer.
  10. Getting to walk down the isle to marry the man that loves me, supports me, and makes me laugh harder than anyone else. 
  11. Losing our first baby and learning just how solid my love for Coach is. And how solid our life will become.
  12. Finding out I was pregnant with Lloyd just days after Mom's cancer was deemed terminal.
  13. Watching my little sister get married.
  14. Losing our Mom to cancer: slowly and awfully. Saying goodbye on Dads birthday.
  15. Giving birth to our first son. Incredible and blissful. 
  16. Motherhood (enough said).
  17. Losing two more precious babies. The 4th misscarriage was awful, gutwrenchingly hard. Just 4 days before Christmas. 
  18. Having enough faith to seek answers, find them (celiac disease!), work hard at getting healthy, and letting Coach convince me to try once more to have a biological child before starting adoption inquiries. 
  19. Having our miracle baby, Asher, almost exactly one year after losing our sweet girl. 
  20. Having two boys. Two beautiful, busy, rambunctious boys. 

30 for 30:
  1. Enjoying our 5 year wedding anniversary.
  2. Having my baby (boohooohooooo) turn 1! 
  3. Taking courses to start nursing school.
  4. Seeing the boys develop a friendship.
  5. Enrolling Lloyd in kindergarten.
  6. Reading real stories with Lloyd at night (harry potter!!!!!!!)
  7. Continuing to learn how to manage our diets and be healthy.
  8. Going back to work at a job I can actually enjoy and still maintain a good connection with my boys and husband (whatever that may be).
  9. Starting nursing school.
  10. Both boys in school. 
  11. Homework.
  12. Peewee hockey!
  13. Cheering at sports games for my own little players! Screaming until I'm hoarse :)
  14. Those silly stickers on the back of our cars for our players.
  15. Watching the boys learn and excell in school. Watching their eyes open to learning.
  16. Watching my husband help with homework. 
  17. Building my spousal relationship past these newborn years. Getting time alone back.
  18. Taking a vacation just Coach and I, for a weekend, without the boys. 
  19. Taking the whole family skiing for the first time.
  20. Disneyland. 
  21. Renovating the kitchen.
  22. Our 10 year anniversary.
  23. Having a teenager (what!!!).
  24. Sewing and learning.
  25. Trips to New Orleans to visit my family. 
  26. Enjoying friendships. Getting to have long-term friendships of my own.
  27. Encouraging my husband to get certified to coach college soccer and get his masters in math. 
  28. Fostering a child in need. 
  29. Enjoying my adulthood with a beautiful family.
  30. Building forever memories at the kitchen table, cuddling in bed, laughing, playing in the yard, and being there
So here is to 30!! 
At gay bingo in Dallas for my birthday with a Coach and our good friends. A HILARIOUS evening. 

Mommy Diary Take Two: 42 Weeks

October 10, 2014

Dear Asher-

You are changing so quickly the closer we get to your birthday. Or so it seems, at least.  This week you've started hating laying still for your diaper changes. Daddy and I fondly refer to it as "wrestling an alligator" and it's not far off. You want to roll away and take off. One day before I could get you pinned down your naked booty was halfway down the hall. You don't want to miss anything, you stand up with minimal assistance and chassé yourself around furniture. Get any taller and you'll be konking your head on the table when you stand up. I can't keep up with you these days honey!

Love, 
momma

Sunday, October 5, 2014

Mommy Diary Take Two: 41 Weeks

October 3, 2014

Dear Asher-

You got sick for the first time this week and it was just terrible seeing you so miserable. You ran a really high fever for a few days and just wanted to camp out on mommy and nurse. Your little face was so sad, we didn't hear your wonderful laugh for days. You're on the mend though and while still a bit drippy from crazy weather we have had, overwhelmingly you're returning to normal fairy quickly which is good to see. I suppose we are pretty lucky this is your first illness of any type, you are such the little soldier even when you feel bad. Lots of cuddles sure made you feel better though and we were happy to provide them.

Love,
Momma