Unexpected

We just lost someone truly amazing.  It's still so sudden, unexpected, and new I haven't even been able to process it.  My Grandpa died last night down in Austin.  He was so incredible and lived a wonderful life.  He's not even my biological grandfather but he always felt like he was.  He had a full and incredible career in the Air Force starting out as a flight navigator and then as a pilot--flying both in Vietnam and Korea--retiring as a Lieutenant Colonel.  He then worked for the State of Texas for a long time in Austin, retiring just about 10 years ago--which seems hard to believe.  

He was so funny and even though he was quiet (mostly being married to my uber-chatty grandmother), he had these barely audible little quips and digs that would get you just rolling.  And when you did get him talking, he had some incredible stories to tell. I have so many great memories with him.  I'm so glad he got time to spend with Lloyd too, his great-grandson.  

We don't even know the full details yet but he is already so missed.  He'll be buried at Ft. Sam Houston National Cemetery in San Antonio under full honor guard.  So he will be close to my parents.  Which seems nice.  We miss you Grandpa.  I know you're enjoying a large cheese pizza without the nagging in your ear up there; hopefully Lloyd (the original) has brought you some beer to enjoy as well.  We love you.  

Steve Calhoun

April 21, 1940 - April 6, 2013

Love's Beauty

I don't usually share other bloggers things, but Cup of Jo posted this incredible video of an artists exhibit that I've watched twice and it brings me to tears.  Sometimes memories are better left memories of past loves--but can you imagine seeing a lost love like this after many years? That they spoke no words was just so beautiful. Check it out. 

I'm also thinking a lot about how beautiful sibling relationships are as we embark on another pregnancy (we pray). I see all Lloyd's friend having these unique sibling ties and it makes me excited to see what kind of bond he'd have with a little sister/brother.  I feel so much more prepared for parenthood of two than I did for one. I think he is going to be wonderful with a baby, despite all the new challenges that baby's bring to the table.  

Love is beautiful.  I'm so full of it these days. Trying to be very optimistic,  it's helping me a great deal that my anxiety issues have gone to almost null after adjusting to a gluten free lifestyle.  Gluten is linked to so many things, including nervous and anxiety disorders (and attention disorders, it doesn't help that today's wheat contains about 80% gluten and the wheat of the past only had 20%--so interesting). Gluten intolerance is also linked to infertility and higher miscarriage rates. I'm really feeling like we found the culprit of my entire life's medical problems.  Could it have always been so simple?

So yay. Love lovie love love. :) 

And gluten free bread. Haha

I Need to Get On That

Because I never seem to post a conclusive list of the updates around the house, here's a list of the current projects we currently have going; and boy do we seem to have a lot of crap waiting to be finished.  Driving.me.a.little.crazy. (but not enough to do anything about it apparently, haha)

The Kitchen

• We will be removing the top and bottom cabinets left of the sink that intrude into the dining area within the kitchen. The top cabinet will go into the laundry room (we currently only have two small shelves above the washer, these cabinets will fit perfectly and provide some great HIDDEN storage).
• I also have started prepping (aka scrubbing the crap out of) all the cabinets in order to paint them. Although I long for ebony cabinets or dark wooden stained ones, it's just too much work and white is very classic. I'm picking up the cabinet paint and primer recommended by YoungHouseLove later today (I hope).
• All the wallpaper is down, the only thing holding up getting the texturing done is getting the cabinets down. So until all the work schedules coordinate of all the male family members locally, this is on delay. I did purchase paint, so I'm really ready to get that beautiful dark color up on the walls. It'll look nice with the white cabinets and all the great light in the kitchen. I'm now dedicated to Behr's Wine Frost (690F-6) matched in Olympic non-VOC.

• I need to find/purchase two small floating shelves to put up next to the sink for cookbooks, but that is the very last thing on my list.
• I need to find a reasonably priced and perfect sized round table to replace the rectangle table we currently have in the nook. It doesn't fit the space, but there was no use replacing it until we get the cabinets down/out.

Study Conversion

• In preparation of whatever happens in adding to our family, I painted 3 of the 4 walls in the study deal a few months ago. The last wall has our mounted book shelves, which need to be taken down, moved, holes patched, and wall painted. Those are being moved into this strange "nook" in our current guest bedroom. Which is where our desk(s) will eventually go. My sewing table probably won't fit so it'll go in our room I think, since there's plenty of room. However, the armoir that is currently occupying the nook (part of Lloyd's big boy bedroom set, aka my set as a kid) is cull of china. We need to order new glass for my moms china cabinet, but we found a company (we think) that can do it for reasonable. 
• In other news, anyone want to buy my Kate Spade china set of six? My moms set of 12 is more than enough!

Dining Room

• The fabric I ordered to get the chairs recovered (after searching for weeks!) finally came in. We just have to drop the chairs off at the upholstery lady's house. Then about 2 weeks we should have then back.

• Order glass shelves for hutch.
• Thinking about repainting the accent wall. Not into the rust color anymore. Or the curtains. :) snowball effect anyone? Don't tell Jon.

Lloyd's Room

• The big boy room! Sad. Reprinted the walls. The yellow was replaced with Valspar's Filoli Morning Glory (5003-10B) and looks amazing; we kept the Behr Happy Camper (430D-6) on two accent walls. Only bad thing is that Valspar stench is ridiculous! Low odor non-voc my ass. It was almost a week Lloyd couldn't sleep in there! I'm forever sticking with the Olympic!

• I need to just arrange photos and get them up all over the room. I did replace a few photos in the frames. We didn't move in his big Bo furniture yet because (1) the armoire is still full of china and (2) we don't have a baby needing the dresser. The crib did go in the attic. Tears. But he's so much happier in the big bed, and sleeping worlds better!

So that's it. It's a lot of half finished stuff waiting on other stuff. I'll have a productive week then nothing for a while. It's like manic then I just stare at it all wishing elves would come take over. But alas, such is life. The super dumb part, is 90% of this is stuff we either saved for before I quit working/got pregnant/had Lloyd/all 3 or thought about doing before Lloyd was born. Woops!

Big Boys Are NOT Allowed...

This happened...

Then this...

Momma is not ready! Big boy bed! What?????

I painted his room during spring break because I was sick of the dingy yellow I'd painted before Lloyd was even conceived. This blue is just so happy. I still am collecting a few more things for the walls, then I'll try to post pictures of the new big boy decor.

Taking the crib a part was agony. Totally gut-wrenching, but hopefully soon a baby will be requiring us to put it back together. Prayers welcome. :)

Oh yeah, and this:

Still happening. What a hot mess. :)

A Good Healing Book

Based off the recommendation of Chelsea (McMomma) I bought this book before we headed off to Seattle to be with Caitlin after my niece, Arabella (cute photos here), was born. But much to my dismay it didn't arrive at the house until after we left. In Seattle, I started to really feel good about our prospects (hence this post) and my body was feeling good. My anxiety issues are almost gone and fixing my diet and seeing Lloyd's specialist is really helping (we were both diagnosed with gluten intolerance last week though! Whirlwind of crazy, but huge improvements already in both of us!). But once I got home and re-settled I picked up Angie Smith's incredible words.

Angie Smith, I Will Carry You: The Sacred Dance of Grief and Joy

They blew me out of the water. Every night I would read more, Coach would come to bed after rocking our chatty boy, and tears would be streaming down my face. Streaming. Her words reached into me. Her links to the bible were so insightful. Even as a converted Episcopalian/Catholic who grew up never talking about faith with people or reading anything faith-filled (after all, isn't that what The Rev was for? Who needs theology when you're a priests kid), it was incredible.

Angie Smith, I Will Carry You: The Sacred Dance of Grief and Joy

I think, even if you haven't lost a child, a baby, a pregnancy--this book is incredible. I'd recommend it to anyone whose family or friend has lost a baby. It'll help you understand, because there's so much about the time during and after the loss that we cannot even vocalize. Then the residual things that may seem odd. Trust me, Angie touches on it all. I'm so glad I read it. And I was so into it I ended up going back and underlining the parts that called to me the most.

Angie Smith, I Will Carry You: The Sacred Dance of Grief and Joy

Thanks Angie. For sharing.

2012 Family Photo Album

I've copied many of my friends and bloggers by creating an annual photo album.  So I got a free code from shutterfly (code: mybook, valid until Tuesday)  for an 8x8 album ($29.99 value) and so with a few extra pages and the coupon, I only ended up paying $11 total to have it shipped to my house. So much happened this year and it was fun putting it together with how much Lloyd has changed. Love my little family!

Click here to view this photo book larger

Shutterfly photo books are the new way to preserve your memories. Create your own today.

Serenity

We are sitting out on the porch of our new favorite restaurant enjoying a nice Texas day. Lloyd is running and giggling around the outside, happy as a clam (or oyster, since that's what he's full of at the moment. There is some Louisiana in my Texas born baby!). And I'm embracing this beautiful sense of calm that has overcome our family lately.

Coach and I are so unbelievable happy in our marriage sometimes I make my high school me sick. After 3 years, losses unaccountable, and life--we are still happier every day together. I'm soooo thankful.

Our son is incredible. He is happy, friendly, kind, nurturing, and gorgeous in his innocence. I can watch him every day and love him more . He is changing so much in front of our eyes. He is a miracle of love. And I'm ready, so ready, for a sibling to join him.

I'm down right excited to try again. I feel good. I feel prepared. I feel healthy. Life feels right.

To Texas days, I raise my glass. To our family. And You. Bonne Chance.